Full of chemicals

Still battling through first week of cycle three. It's not been pleasant - my arm still hurts, although somewhat less than Tuesday, but the drugs are pushing me on edge as always. With the addition of the Oxytetracyclene (to reduce the acne side-effect of Cetuximab - which it is finally starting to do) I am on about 16 pills a day, most of which get my system pretty wired. And with a little nausea I feel just like throwing them all up :(

Mimi took this week off and has been taking care of me - perhaps this is why the blog is less "look at me coping" and more "look at me being pissed off with things" this week. I've had less need to soldier on and keep my life going, and have been allowed to just flake out all week, knowing I'll still be fed, bought drinks and generally looked after. I miss coping, it felt good, but equally I guess I need an off-week, some time to just throw up my hands and say this is hard work and I'll be glad when it's all over and until then, things are hard.

Thanks for the offers of support this week - I've generally just kept myself to myself and spent most of my time with Mimi. Maybe next cycle I can call you all back ! It's hard to invite people over when you know you are just going to be rubbish, and probably not up to much chat. But the whole "waiting for tomorrow" thing is not a good attitude when tomorrow is still quite a few months away.

Every day of each cycle gets a little better - my touchstone and mantra now. Today I pottered around Camden a little, saw a movie and enjoyed a tasty burger dinner. Tomorrow I might manage a little early xmas shopping in Angel. Life still potters on around the crappyness, and looking forward to at quite a few decent days before the next cycle has to begin.