Merry Xmas

Having been flooded by xmas cards this year, I am very touched. And frankly surprised so many of you have my address. I'm afraid no such offering from us, but instead an eco-friendly xmas mail to say Merry Christmas to everyone and best wishes for the new year ahead. And for those who I've not kept in regular contact with / don't read the blog / spam filter my mails on purpose, I've written a little bit about the year gone by. The rest of you can read it too - you might have forgotten most of it and there will be a quiz later.

I think 2009 was the "Empire Strikes Back" year for me; sure. it had some pretty tough parts and some low moments, but it also had some of the truly best and memorable moments too. But no AT-ATs.

The first part of my year was dominated by recovery from the bowel cancer I was diagnosed with back in Aug 2008. I had a lull in treatment at the start of the year, which I used to get a few cheeky days snowboarding in. Then Chemotherapy started again until March, when I had a month off before the surgery in April. This surgery successfully removed the bad parts of my liver, and after a month's rest, I resumed the last few cycles of chemo to ensure "gold standard" treatment. This ended at the start of July, in time for me to gather more energy for both my good friends' wedding as well as my cousin's wedding, both in Scotland, both wonderful events and both great excuses to wear man-skirts (kilts).

These really acted as my initial celebration for treatment being over. There were still a few checkups ahead which externally and internally showed that all looked well and as expected. I think I was just glad it was over, and happy to be able to get on with my life again. So I was truly blown away by a surprise drinks party that Mimi organized for me later in the year, which helped me draw that final line behind me from what had happened.

So the first step in getting on with my life, of course, was to get the ring and ask my sweetheart to marry me. An elaborate setup of hotels and treats over two days in Melbourne whilst visiting Mimi's family and friends allowed me to spoil my sweetie with food and champagne and then get down on one knee. Not actually with a ring - we had determined she'd like to pick her own (which she later did, a classic, elegant, beautiful and, all importantly, reasonably priced item) - but with a charm bracelet I had taken time to choose before flying out. I am pleased to say she kindly said yes, and made me a very happy man indeed !

I also got to attend the christening of my new nephew Luca, Mimi's brother's baby boy with exceptionally cute cheeks ! Along with my wonderful, gorgeous nieces, Liv and Izzy, who I got to spend lots of time with whilst recovering (a totally awesome silver lining from my period of illness) I am a blessed uncle indeed. Almost enough to consider returning the favor someday to my brother and future brother-in-law. But first our thoughts are concerned with wedding bells, as we try and put together a plan and set a date for the upcoming wedding. Late 2010 would be ideal, early 2011 probably the latest we'd like it.

We are decided on Australia as a venue, but will try and celebrate with friends and family on both sides of the globe. This is set to tie in with a move to Australia, continuing our lives together down under. It will be sad to move away from / great to move closer to you (delete as applicable) but certainly it doesn't mark an end of anything, but more heralds a new chapter for us. A new chapter on the forest moon of Endor. By which I mean Australia.

So I intend to spend this xmas and new year continuing to celebrate the great people I've met so far in life, and even try and visit a few out of towners I didn't get to see much whilst I wasn't so well. But first I've got this next week off to spend some quality time with my family and get some good food, booze and presents, which has got to be the true spirit of xmas for me.

Xmas love and best wishes to all,
Ben (and Mimi)

Okay it looks like...

Okay it looks like the dial2do service is very good with translating words. But only gives you 30 seconds to make a blog post. So whilst the service is quite impressive I think only short comments will ever get safe on it.
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Okay looks like work...

Okay looks like work smashed and blocked any access to Blogger which is fair enough. So I'm gonna try and record this post using my fantastic voice to text translaty thing off the internet. Let's see how many words it spells wrong. Just wanted to do a quick blog post to say.
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Surprise - it's not my birthday !

Last night marked a point of awesomeness. Long booked in my calendar as a mystery night out, it turned out to be a nice dinner followed by a surprise party at a local pub.

As I type this with a slightly fuzzy head, I want to thank everyone who came down, esp. those from such far climbs as Swindon, Sheffield and Amsterdam :) It was really nice to see so many people, drink so many beers and not only celebrate the end of my treatment properly, but to openly say "wow, that was quite a hard year" and I guess get what the American's call "closure".

I also got some nice biscuits and waffles, which are helping me on this most hungover of days ! I also, confusingly, got 2 or 3 birthday cards... thanks guys - actual birthday is start of Feb though. Mimi must of been keeping the reasoning behind the party secret too ;)

Thanks to all who came - I tried to spend time chatting my everyone, but it got a bit blurry toward the end, so not entirely sure I made it. I remember lots of hugs though - yay !!! - and much love in the room :)

Took a while to rotate them all 180 degrees...

Photos of our australia trip now on my smugmug site including my favourite shot of me...

Back to the treadmill

Treatment is over ! Had final scans (all clear) and told to go out and enjoy life. So not much more coming from me about the treatment now - there will be follow up scans every 4 months for a year, every 6 months in the following year, and then annually for another 8 years. But these are merely precautionary, so it's time to get back to...

Health ! I was doing pretty well, pulling my weight down to around 17 stone before all of this started. And after the surgery (dropping to 14 stone) and the chemo (keeping my weight level as it burned up caloires) I've now got back to a healthy state but a less healthy size again (over 18 stone). On top of this, been getting an inflamed back, probably from the lack of exercise, and not assisted by my tummy muscles recovering from 2 bought with the surgical knife.

So back to weekend running, weekday cycling to work and yoga for me ! And the dreaded Monday weigh ins - you should see a little graph on the right hand side now, nothing like a bit of public shame to kick start a good habit. On top of which, I feel a little winter snowboarding might be in order this season - one trip booked so far on Feb (to St Anton in Austria), but I feel another trip either State-side or Euro, would top that off nicely ! Anyone interested ?

All is well Down Under

Last month, I had a colonoscopy to check all was well in the bowels. I got to see were the section of bowel was removed - there were still staples inside by bowels ! Otherwise everything looked good, except for a small polyp which they burnt of and removed. It was confirmed as non-threatening just as I was boarding my plan for holidays, which was good news to start on ! Alas I did not manage to fly with Mimi though - she is on a standby ticket which saves about 75% of a normal ticket price, but means she cannot get on any flight that is fully booked, which my flight was.

So the last two and a bit weeks have been spent in Australia, catching up with Mimi's family and our friends. As we were staying with Mimi's brother, we got to spend some good time with his 4 month old son, Luca a.k.a "Munchie", who I have taken to calling "Cheeks" on account of his gorgeous big cheeks. Photos to come soon ! He is a beautiful baby, is very cute when he tries to talk, generally a happy boy and needless to say, he loves beardy kisses from Uncle Ben.

We were also very grateful that Luca's christening was arranged for when we were in Australia, so got to experience a Greek Orthodox service, as well as engage in the whirl of wine, food and loud chatter that is the Greek feast afterwards.

After all that, we needed some time for "us", so I insisted on dragging Mimi away for a day and a night to a surprise hotel / spa package. We had luxury massages, champagne and then some of the best food I've ever eaten at Da Noi - a Sardinian restaurant, which was followed by some quality movie action. After spending the next morning lounging in bed with breakfast we then headed out for a nice walk around the botanical gardens, where I had booked a picnic hamper with good food - and more champagne !

Not wanting to let the moment (and large amounts of champagne) slip by, I then bought out one last surprise for my sweetie - I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Fortunately, after a small period of shock and surprise from her, she said yes ! So the last few days have been spent by both of us getting used to this idea, and slowly spreading the news to family, friends and facebook :)

Heading back home tonight - alas potentially alone again, as the flight is looking full which means Mimi may need to wait until Sunday for her departure. But first of all, a big send off BBQ with "just the close family" - 15 to 20 people - to say goodbye and announce our wonderful news to those who haven't heard yet. For those back in the UK - see you soooon !

The road to recovery

A year ago today, someone put a camera somewhere one never expects a camera to go, and I saw my tumour for the first (and last) time; a week after that it was gone.

Now I am going through the final steps of recovery - the spots are still hanging around, esp. on my neck, but they are simply a small nuisance now. I had my portacath removed, so have a sore shoulder for a couple of weeks while that heals over. And I'm still quite tired in general, but slowly building up my hours at work.

But one thing the medical world will not allow is to be hurried along ! I still have a few little thing, like having the stitches out for the portacath removal in a fortnight, then one more invasion of the camera to check everything is working correctly internally at the end of the month, and finally two scans (CT and MRI) at the end of September to check everything looks clear.

So in truth, it never truely feels 100% over - after that scan, there will be regular check ups throughout the years to come. But I do feel I am through almost all of it now, and hopefully by the time I return from my upcoming holiday to Australia, I hope to be at full energy levels and working full time again. It can be somewhat demoralizing to work part-time, you feel a lot less valuable and can often feel marginalised, and whilst I'll miss the 9-10 hours of sleep a night, I am looking forward to it.

Head down and out the other side

After spending a lot of time around the house healing from my liver operation, I finally resumed chemo for the last two cycles. I really couldn't stand being back on the drugs - same horrid steroids to counter the horrid Oxaliplatin, but still being lreft with constant horrid nausea. Problem now being my body knew what was coming, so I was getting nauseous before I'd even had the drugs, psychosomatic effects I suppose.

So I decided to shell up, just get through each day, which was probably not the most uplifting thing I could have done for myself, but I guess I was thinking now about that light at the end of it all. And so here I am, two of the longest cycles over, still tired with LOTS of Cetuximab rash all over my head, scalp and body, just waiting for it all to die away and feel like a real boy again.

But I do remember the day, last Thursday, when my Oncologist confirmed that all the cycles were over, there were no more drugs to take, and the next step was an initial scan to confirm that everything has worked. I knew this was the next step, but hadn't realised how shut off I'd been getting there, so it was good to find myself smiling all day, and maybe even a few tears of happiness too.

It's coming up to a year since my diagnosis, and I think by the time the side effects have mostly worn off it will be a full year. It has not been a year defined by cancer - I wanted to make sure of that and be lucky to have enough support to carry it through - but I am already looking back over it thinking "wow, how did I get through all that without freaking out". I guess the answer has always been "one day at a time", but without the love and support I've felt from friends, family, and the many wonderful people on this forum, I suspect each of those days would not have been half as bright.

Missing the point

Forgive the stupid title, but I an pleased to announce that I am due no more injections !! The chemo process is only 5 days (and 40 pink pills) from being fully over.

This leaves just a couple of tidy up tasks; removing my portacath and a post-operative scan. After this I'm into the longer term monitoring phase, with occasional scans and blood tests, and perhaps a colonoscopy every few years.

For now, it's finally feeling "over", even though I am currently being swarmed by painful spots once more - hopefully for via last time, although the drugs can hang about for quite a few weeks. Once I'm through all that with a little more energy, I might have to have a small gathering, perhaps with a few drinks involved ;)

As for tonight, it's the banking industry's charity run in Battersea park. Wasn't too sure of my physical capabilities, but figure I can always walk most of it if need be (plenty of medically fit bankers do this anyway) ! Thanks to several generous sponsors, I've already hit my target, but please feel free to offer any final pledges today.

Otherwise save the money for something bubbly later this month :)

...I can't stop smiling :)

Quick update on the end of the drugs

Feeling a little better - the sickness is starting to wear off and things getting back toward normal. Probably another week or so until I feel I'm over the final "big" injection.

What a shame there are still one or two Cetuximab injections on the horizon - they don't come with too many nasty side-effects, but I'm just keen for it all to be "over" now.

Second time lucky

Ok, seems my diary was a little out yesterday. TODAY marks my final
injection day, it turns out ! Another 24 hours has me more prepared
mentally anyway, so small mercies :)

--
Sent from my mobile device

The Final Injection

Been a little quite blog-wise of late. June saw a return to the chemo and all the unpleasantries that accompany that - nausea, tingling hands and feet, distaste for cold food and drink (hard, as I need to drink LOTS of water), steroids perventing sleep, chronic acne and generally being super-tired. Yeah, not fun basically.

So much not fun that rather than do the last two cycles back-to-back, I asked my oncologist about taking a week out, which she was happy with, so I actually spent the last week in Portugal, taking some time out with my folks at there little villa out there. Beasts of the land and sea were eaten along with a few cheeky glasses of the local vino. And so I am back home, and feeling recouperated.
And ready for the last...

No I'm now. I don't think I've ever really been "ready" for these cycles. It's just head down and soldier through, to be honest. Individually, they are quite manageable, it just gets tougher as each one comes to take it on the chin. But this is the last - 8 cycles is all they recommend for a patient in my situation. At the end of the day, the drugs do damage the body as well as kill the cancer, so a balanced amount is all they will administer. It could take up to as long as the treatment (e.g. ~9 months) for the side effects of the drugs to wear off fully, but I am hoping within 2-3 months to be at least 98% back to normal. Whatever that feels like :)

So - watches set for 9:30am tomorrow as the final drugs go in. Then tablets for two more weeks - in theory the last pill going down the morning of Monday, 13th July. Bad date for large, ginger cats, but an excellent date for this large, ginger cancer patient !

Nothing to say here... just moving along

This should be the king of micro-posts. Just wanted to check in and say everything is healing well, I'm back on my feet and walking around, have even been to the pub a couple of times !

So what next ? Seeing the oncologist next week to discuss getting back onto the chemo, after that back to part-time work, hopefully finish the chemo (6 weeks worth) by mid-July - ready for my sponsored run ! Then a scan sometime in September, the first of many scans over the next few years to make sure everything is better.

So for now, ticking along, recovering. Feel free to call and pop round - look forward to catching up with people !

Scars and Consolations

Last Tuesday, I checked into the specialist liver unit of the Basingstoke and North Hampshire hospital. They prepped me for the operation, warning me that they expected to remove around 60% of my liver, which would be survivable but might require months of careful eating and drinking as it regenerates.

Fortunately my surgeon, Mr Myrddin Rees, came around later in the evening, and confirmed that we were NOT expecting to remove so much liver. There were three lesions, one on the left of the liver and two smaller lesions on the right, and he expected to remove them all with wedge resections - literally removing a wedge shaped portion of liver to remove the nasty part.

The next morning I was taken down, operated on, then spent 24 - 30 hours in recovery - sleeping for short periods between having mad morphine dreams and trying to do deep breathing exercises. Finally I was taken back to a private ward room where I was told (now that I would actually remember things I was told !) that the operation was a success and only 10% of my liver had been removed. Recovery was swift - almost too swift, I felt great and ready to leave by Saturday, once all the tubes and drains into my belly were removed.

But I stayed one more night until Sunday - which was the most painful day of the recovery ! With the anaesthetic lines removed, the pains in my belly started up, reminding me more of my bowel operation when the pain control had not been as good. But I was ready to leave and go stay at my parents, where at least the pain was tempered with mothering and care from both Mimi and my folks. With the dressing removed, I could now see the scar on my belly - a large 1 foot scar starting from the top of my belly (where my bowel scar starts) and heading down and across to the side of my belly. Along with the bowel operation scar, I makes a large number 7 shape :)

Three days at home and things are getting better - slowly. Main pain comes from sleeping - it's hard to find a comfortable position and moving into or out of a lying position is quite a chore. But the days are getting better, I'm getting looked after, and paracetamol is a highly underrated pain relief drug - it really does take the sharp edge off !

Heavy times call for mighty deeds

One more quick blog post from me before I head in. To revive the past spirit of this blog, I'm going to talk about my weight again ! Since stopping the chemo drugs and continuing my sedantary lifestyle, I've managed to slowly gain a stone in weight, putting me back to where I'd reached after the running. Seemed that those drugs were using up a lot of stored energy to stop me actually gaining weight.

Not a big issue, but I am keen to not come out of my treatment and back into the old sedentary Ben mode. So I've made a positive step and signed up for the JP Morgan Chase Challenge - a 3.5 mile run (~5.6km) for bankers hosted in Battersea Park mid-July. This gives me a full month to recover from surgery and another month to get moving again before the event. Being a non-professional run, a lot of people end up walking much of it - which might be the case for me, but even that will be a good healthy start to post-treatment 2009 (well, actually I'll probably be on the last few days of chemo then, so almost post-treatment !)

All of which brings me around to.... sponsership ! This year, they have promoted sponsership, and perhaps unsurprisingly, I have chosen Macmillan Cancer Care as my chosen charity. This isn't a big race, it's more an important first post-treatment step for me, but if anyone wants to make a modest donation and sponser me, that would really make the struggle feel that much more worth while.

Until then, I'm off to spend some time with friends and family near my parents home, and then onto hospital on Tuesday. It's been a great week in the run up, lots of fun times, and I made a big fish pie the other day - becoming a bit of a favorite reciepe of mine. Love to all, Ben

One week to go...

So I come into the last week before surgery starts... and what a week it is ! Cinema, dinner, karaoke, gaming, seeing friends and family - everything a perfect week should have :)

A few people mentioned visiting, so I thought I'd put some details here. I am going into the Basingstoke and North Hampshire hospital on Tuesday for surgery on Wednesday morning. After that I expect to stay in for 6 more days. If you would like to visit, please arrange all the journey details yourself, but do drop Mimi a quick text to let her know what time you are planning to come as she is managing vistors to prevent too many people coming down at once.

That said, it's a way out of town, and I look forward to seeing everyone during / after my recovery period of 4-6 weeks (if not this week !) so please don't feel obliged to come down. Oh, and if you do come, please don't bring any books - I am still well provided with literature after my previous hospital stay !!! Grapes are always welcomed though - seedless ones, mind you ;)

Getting more and more nervous about the uncoming stay - not been sleeping well for a number of nights now, which I suspect is due to anxiety or bottled up emotion (so typically British) or something like that. Ah well, best focus on the week of fun ahead rather than worrying unneccasary worrying !

Easter surgery

So I saw the specialist just over a week ago, and surgery is confirmed for the morning of Wednesday, 15th April at Basingstoke District Hospital. The operation will be a "wedge resection", which is essentially removing a wedge of liver from one lobe, to take out the largest and only 100% confirmed lesion. The operation won't be keyhole, but this will give the surgeon a chance to examine the other two "blurry" points of my scans to confirm if they are tumours or simply scar tissue, hopefully for the first time giving us a clear picture of just what we are dealing with in the liver. And, of course, hopefully removing all last traces of the cancer from my body.

I expect to be in hospital for around 6 days, and then will be resting up at my parents house for a couple of weeks following. Full recovery is expected around 6 weeks after the operation, so I imagine I will be returning to Chemo (and work !) at the start of June for 6 more weeks (Chemo, that is - hopefully work will carry on quite a bit longer than that, despite the current economic climate). Hospital is a bit of a trek from London, so I imagine visitors might only come at the weekend. If you let myself know in advance, that I can send travel information about how to get there. Otherwise contact Mimi when I'm in hospital, just so we don't get too many people trying to come at a one time.

So that's the facts. Emotionally I'm obviously a little scared, but reassured by the surgeon who seems highly competent and comes recommended as one of the countries finest liver surgeons. Also reassured by the fact it all happens whilst I'm unconscious too ! It's just tough putting your life totally in other peoples' hands, elevating them temporarily to the status of gods. I'm such a control freak, so I guess there is quite a clash there too. So focusing on the good aspects of it all - a clear(er) liver, being looked after by Mimi and my parents and one more step to the end of all my treatment. Also focusing, as always, on the small practicalities - such as at which point I stop being paid full salary from work (quite soon !) and budgeting accordingly (not hard, won't be going out too much !) - more cheap nights in are needed ! Board gaming anyone ;)

A knife in the road

The sixth cycle comes to an end. My spots are flaring up again - but they come and go, so hopefully will not be too painful for too long. Two more cycles to go now, next one should be starting this Monday. But it's not.

Mimi and I took a couple of days out in the country, staying in the Cotswolds. This was a much needed break, one we would of perhaps liked to have lasted a little longer, but we need to save holiday so we might have a trip to Australia this year. This was to get away from it all, but instead acted as a nice place to receive the next change of my treatment plan.

The only reliable thing in cancer treatment is "don't plan on what you know, as it's probably going to change by next month". And here we have quite a big change of direction. The second surgeon I have sent my scans to has recommended surgery. I have not had a proper consultation with him - that is scheduled for the end of next week - but his recommendation for surgery is definite enough that he has proposed I don't have the chemo on Monday, so that the one drug-free month can start that much sooner.

All I know is he thinks that operation would be quite small, and with that in mind it would be worth going ahead with some surgery now. This tallies with the "conventional wisdom" around secondary cancers; cut them out and apply chemo to ensure everything is caught. And so it's the path I think I am best taking at this stage, certainly until I have had a chance for a proper consultation to discuss why he thinks surgery is best, compared to the initial descision made by the other liver surgeon.

At the end of the day, with little hard medical fact backing up either approach, I get the feeling the descision between the options presented is being left to me. This is, of course, somewhat absurd - 9 months ago all I knew about cancer was it affected old people and smokers and not 31 year-old males (yes, yes, 32 years old now). And whilst I have learnt a lot since then, it's still a bad idea for me to be making this decision. I understand the final call is still with me, I'm not completely impotant in this decision making process, but on a choice like this I really need to hear how these options have been reached and how each recommendation is backed.

Fortunaltey, I am seeing my Oncologist tomorrow and the new surgeon next Friday, so plenty of chances to ask questions and get a gauge of confidence on the whole decision. If this surgery goes ahead, I suspect it will most likely happen at the start of April and be based in Basingstoke hospital (yes, yes, I know, bloody miles away). Confirmation of everything coming in a week or two. Until then, I'm just trying to manage these darn spots on my head.

The Sixth Cycle

It's been a while since I blogged - partly as lots of things have happened, and partly as nothing has changed.

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and I had a really good party with lots of mates (only a small handful who I managed to actually talk to) and got lots of love sent my way. This was awesome, and really helped pick up my spirits.

My spirits were down at that point as the spots were back ! The nasty things that riddled the top part of my body (including all over my poor head) had come back almost as bad as over xmas, Which led to lots of scratching, pain and pretty bad sleeping patterns. I was looking forward to blogging now about how they had retreated, and in the last few days they were down to "cosmetically annoying" but I can shower and sleep with a relative lack of discomfort. But already, after my injection a week ago, I feel them coming back once more - I guess they will come and go throughout my treatment - but they are certainly one of the least pleasent parts about all of this.

But not long to go (only just over 2 months ?!?) - today is the start of the sixth cycle, almost anniversary worthy in itself. Which means another week on the steroids (lack of sleep / feeling wired) and not being able to touch anything under room temperature. Fun. Only three more weeks like this to go though.

Otherwise it's a case of soldiering on. There is talk about me going to get a second opinion on the scans I've had with another liver surgeon, just to be sure that avoiding surgery is the right thing to try now. It's not the common approach to curing this form of cancer, so my oncologist wants to be sure we've made the right choice.

Right, time to get my jumper(s) on and head to the clinic for more drugs ! Yey !

No, it won't set off metal detectors - it's plastic

Yesterday involved a long day at the hospital giving swabs, bloods and generally preparing for the main show - surgery !

... hold on, I wasn't having surgery, was I ?...

Well, I'm still not having liver surgery, and instead I am resuming chemotherapy starting this coming Monday. But the pain the drugs were putting my arms through was getting highly unpleasant, so my oncologist and I agreed that a portacath was the way to go.

This is a small plastic bump that sits under my skin on the upper chest. The bump has a silicone membrane that allows needles to penetrate and remove bloods or inject fluids. From the bump, there is a long tube that goes down a main artery and to the main blood flow into my heart. The pain in my arms was coming from the arm veins only moving 10ml blood / minute. This meant it took a long while for the chemo drugs to dilute around the body, and the concentrated dose in my arm was causing the pain. As the main arteries move around 3 litres of blood / minute (e.g. 300 times faster) this should remove this localised pain - one of my least favorite part of the oxaliplatin injections.

The operation to put this in took around 1 hour and was a complete success so far. But for the next 7-10 days, I need to be careful with the stiches, as there is a 2-3 inch incision where the portacath was fitted. It's also quite painful, like a very nasty bruise on my chest, but also one I need to be careful not to suddenly jerk or move around too much. A few over the counter pain killers are keeping it quite manageable, but I hope it's feeling significantly better by next Monday for it's trail run !

The surgery has been cut

Took a long lazy day today just relaxing and getting my thoughts together. One of these thoughts, around 4pm, was that I'd left my phone in the other room, and when I went to fetch it I realised I had missed a call from my liver surgeon relating to yesterday's scan !

The message was that there was nothing distinctive on the CT scan to operate on - the lesions or "metastasis" on the liver were unclear which indicated the chemo was having a good effect on reducing them.

So it is the opinion of the surgeon that no operation should be attempted at this time, I should resume my treatment, and only if things reappear on a later scan should we attempt surgery. My thoughts are that this might mean I only delay a needed operation, potentially prolonging the time I am affect by this condition, but on a more positive note, it may be that no surgery will ever be required and the drugs can cure the liver metastasis all by themselves - which would be excellent.

I have had my month off chemotherapy, a break to allow myself some time to get my head together and be reminded what life is like outside of the drugs. I feel I am ready for another 3 months of treatment now, and hope future scans continue to offer the positive news that yesterday's scan did.

A surprising start to 2009

One month out of Chemotherapy and I'm ready for surgery. Except I'm not sure I'm getting any...

It has been nice to be off the drugs. I have been a little bit more able and awake - certainly energetic enough to get some good snowboard time on my recent 4 day trip to Austria. There was a plague of spots from the Cetuximab over xmas, which was very unpleasant esp. where they caused my scalp to itch madly. But again, being able to deal with that without any other side-effects flaring up was a blessing.

So I went to see my liver surgeon on Friday, expecting a date for surgery, but after seeing the latest MRI scans he wants to take another Liver CT scan (due tonight) before going ahead with any operation. I have mixed reports on what the surgery might be; "only small, simple, surgery" seems contrary to "it will take two procedures to remove the lobe" ! But equally if we decide we are not going for surgery, this means I am back onto the chemo ASAP and relying on it doing the job. And I get the impression that surgery has the highest "win" rate. Ok, so if the chemo only approach fails, perhaps I will simply have surgery later on this year instead - but I am keen to get rid of this disease ASAP.

Practically though, cancer is a long-term thing. Even after getting rid of the tumors, there are still going to be months of uncertainty and scans ahead before I am "free" of it. So a "get rid of ASAP" approach is not neccassarily the best here. In any case, I should get the results of the CT scan tomorrow, so later this week I'll know what is going on for sure. Stay tuned...