Brief update.
I found a working MRI machine and got another good scan back; everything has shrunk a little more and is responding well.
I also have some dates set for the new year now. I will see my surgeon on the 9th to review what is to be done regarding surgery, and then will be going for the surgery in the following week (12-16th January). All a little quicker than expected.
More than likely, this means I won't be returning to work in 2009 until March, after the recovery.
For now, I intend to have a very merry, and chemo-free, xmas and new year :)
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Cold Turkey before Xmas
So today I had my last injection, and tonight I am due to swallow the last of the Cepecitabine tablets. My right arm still hurts a little from a fortnight, my scalp is dry as heck and a couple of my fingers are starting to get quite painful around the nails... but I'm still in one piece !
This morning's MRI scan was delayed due to a broken MRI machine, so I am due to return to their other clinic tomorrow morning to get that done, after which I have an appointment on Thursday to discuss the next steps. Only then will I know 100% if we are going ahead with surgery, which would mean a break of Chemo over xmas, or if they have other things in mind. If they say otherwise, I will scream, but I'd rather do what's best advised rather than what suits me.
Got most of my xmas shopping done over the weekend too (much of it online) so looking forward to a pleasant and manageable run up to xmas holidays. Overall feeling quite confident that half of this is all behind me now, and with help, patience, experience and strength, the latter half will go even better.
More when I've spoken to the doctor on Thursday...
This morning's MRI scan was delayed due to a broken MRI machine, so I am due to return to their other clinic tomorrow morning to get that done, after which I have an appointment on Thursday to discuss the next steps. Only then will I know 100% if we are going ahead with surgery, which would mean a break of Chemo over xmas, or if they have other things in mind. If they say otherwise, I will scream, but I'd rather do what's best advised rather than what suits me.
Got most of my xmas shopping done over the weekend too (much of it online) so looking forward to a pleasant and manageable run up to xmas holidays. Overall feeling quite confident that half of this is all behind me now, and with help, patience, experience and strength, the latter half will go even better.
More when I've spoken to the doctor on Thursday...
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Inejction #4 - battling through it
Yesterday's injection was much-dreaded. A long seven hour session at the clinic, as it was a Cetuximab AND Oxaliplatin session, and also because we slowed the Oxaliplatin down to take three hours instead of two.
This may of helped reduce the reaction, which was still painful like last time. Pins and needles up and down my arm (right arm, this time) and lots of stiffness and soreness. But I'm fighting through it this time. I got up at a good time, got my pills down me, and spent the morning chopping and preparing a tasty Heston Blumenthal Spag. Boll. (8 hours cooking time - yum) so that I was doing something and using my arm muscles, not resting them. The little pain I get from using the arm is somewhat countered by the movements slowly reducing the pins and needles and making me feel less "crippled" by the painful arm.
So all in all, emotionally this cycle has been so bad yet. For the first three days, I have to take the stronger drugs, including steroids that really wire me up, but once through them I hope to come out in good shape. I am also cheered that this might be the last cycle for a couple of months now, letting me look forward to christmas and snowbaording in the new year.
This may of helped reduce the reaction, which was still painful like last time. Pins and needles up and down my arm (right arm, this time) and lots of stiffness and soreness. But I'm fighting through it this time. I got up at a good time, got my pills down me, and spent the morning chopping and preparing a tasty Heston Blumenthal Spag. Boll. (8 hours cooking time - yum) so that I was doing something and using my arm muscles, not resting them. The little pain I get from using the arm is somewhat countered by the movements slowly reducing the pins and needles and making me feel less "crippled" by the painful arm.
So all in all, emotionally this cycle has been so bad yet. For the first three days, I have to take the stronger drugs, including steroids that really wire me up, but once through them I hope to come out in good shape. I am also cheered that this might be the last cycle for a couple of months now, letting me look forward to christmas and snowbaording in the new year.
Friday, November 28, 2008
It's good someone knows what's going on - shame it's me
Regarding my previous post - I just spoke to my Oncologist (who had e-mailed with my Liver surgeon) and it seems we had got numbers mixed up - when he spoke about 6 cycles, he had assumed I was on 2 week cycles (probably because of the Cetuximab, which IS a 2 week cycle). But my main chemo is given on a 3 week cycle - hence when he talked about 6 cycles, he meant 12 weeks (e.g. 4 of my cycles)
All in all this means the plan is "back to normal" - I am due one more cycle of chemo (starting Monday) and then a month off over xmas so that I am ready for surgery around mid-late January. I am somewhat relieved, my world is back in order now. But somewhat worried it's back in order because I've been resposible for reminding my professionals of all the details of my case. I don't want to be in charge, I hardly want to be invovled, I just want top notch medical scientists to do what's best for me and get me cured !
But still, drama over for today :)
All in all this means the plan is "back to normal" - I am due one more cycle of chemo (starting Monday) and then a month off over xmas so that I am ready for surgery around mid-late January. I am somewhat relieved, my world is back in order now. But somewhat worried it's back in order because I've been resposible for reminding my professionals of all the details of my case. I don't want to be in charge, I hardly want to be invovled, I just want top notch medical scientists to do what's best for me and get me cured !
But still, drama over for today :)
Bah, Humbug
So I had my (somewhat brief) meeting with the liver specialist. Was a little annoyed he had not seen my latest scans - so what were his current decisions based on ? - but was partially to blame as I had been advised to bring the copy I had along with me, and had forgotten to do so.
In any case, he said that as I was responding to the Chemotherapy, I should continue with it for a little longer to ensure the required surgery was as minimal and risk-free as possible, advising me to continue for SIX cycles. I had been hoping it was only to be four, as these last two cycles will fall across the Christmas holidays and my planned snowboarding weekend in January, all the way up to the 1st Feb - which means I'll get a nice present this year for my birthday anyway, as I would then come of Chemo for February in preparation for surgery in March.
No date was set in stone for the surgery though - More CT / MRI scans after the 6th cycle would determine what happened next. There is a small outside chance that the chemo might "clean up" the liver all on it's own, but this is quite rare.
In truth, right now, I'm gutted. I was looking forward to a "Chemo free Christmas", esp. as each cycle gets harder. I had put these dates and plans down as a mental crutch - waypoints to help me get through the long journey ahead, and in 10 mins with very little information provided, I've had it all messed around and shifted with what seemed to be a fairly uninformed decision. Probably not the wrong decision, and already I am mapping out what this new news means and finding solace with what it might offer : cheeky snowboard week in February anyone ? Might also be up for a mini-birthday celebartion now as well. And having my folks look after me over xmas week when I am struggling with the nastier part of it is surely not a bad thing.
All of which reminds me it's injection day on Monday. &^%k. With these extra cycles now planned, am I once again going to persue getting a "long line" or "port" fitted, that will allow the drugs to be adminsitered straight into my central blood stream, not via my poor arms. This should remove the pain in my arms which is one of the very worse side effects, after maybe the vulnerability to cold.
Overall : Bah, humbug.
In any case, he said that as I was responding to the Chemotherapy, I should continue with it for a little longer to ensure the required surgery was as minimal and risk-free as possible, advising me to continue for SIX cycles. I had been hoping it was only to be four, as these last two cycles will fall across the Christmas holidays and my planned snowboarding weekend in January, all the way up to the 1st Feb - which means I'll get a nice present this year for my birthday anyway, as I would then come of Chemo for February in preparation for surgery in March.
No date was set in stone for the surgery though - More CT / MRI scans after the 6th cycle would determine what happened next. There is a small outside chance that the chemo might "clean up" the liver all on it's own, but this is quite rare.
In truth, right now, I'm gutted. I was looking forward to a "Chemo free Christmas", esp. as each cycle gets harder. I had put these dates and plans down as a mental crutch - waypoints to help me get through the long journey ahead, and in 10 mins with very little information provided, I've had it all messed around and shifted with what seemed to be a fairly uninformed decision. Probably not the wrong decision, and already I am mapping out what this new news means and finding solace with what it might offer : cheeky snowboard week in February anyone ? Might also be up for a mini-birthday celebartion now as well. And having my folks look after me over xmas week when I am struggling with the nastier part of it is surely not a bad thing.
All of which reminds me it's injection day on Monday. &^%k. With these extra cycles now planned, am I once again going to persue getting a "long line" or "port" fitted, that will allow the drugs to be adminsitered straight into my central blood stream, not via my poor arms. This should remove the pain in my arms which is one of the very worse side effects, after maybe the vulnerability to cold.
Overall : Bah, humbug.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A scanner lightly
Yesterday I had two scans taken - a CT and an MRI scan - the check the progress of the chemotherapy I have been taking now for almost 2 months.
The CT scan showed that there were no other "mystery spots" other than what was on my liver, pretty much as expected. The MRI scan then offered better imagery on the lesions on my liver and was compared to the previous scan I had the day before going in for surgery (just over 3 months ago now).
The MRI showed that the largest lesion on my liver had reduced in size a little, and a smaller cluster of lesions elsewhere on the liver was not as pronounced. Which in summary is great - it means the secondary cancers (which we must surely now presume these lesions to be) are shrinking under the chemotherapy drugs I am taking, and hopefully will be easy to remove.
I have a meeting with a liver specialist next week to talk about what exactly the new MRI scan shows, and what my choices are regarding removing them. It is expected we will book some surgery for this; surgery which needs to be at least 1 month after I stop chemo, and preferably not much more than a month. So it is my hope we will stop the chemo mid-Dec (which is after one more full cycle) and schedule the surgery mid-Jan, giving me xmas off. Which would work well for enjoying that time with my family, as well as the cheeky snowboarding weekend I've booked in the new year !
The CT scan showed that there were no other "mystery spots" other than what was on my liver, pretty much as expected. The MRI scan then offered better imagery on the lesions on my liver and was compared to the previous scan I had the day before going in for surgery (just over 3 months ago now).
The MRI showed that the largest lesion on my liver had reduced in size a little, and a smaller cluster of lesions elsewhere on the liver was not as pronounced. Which in summary is great - it means the secondary cancers (which we must surely now presume these lesions to be) are shrinking under the chemotherapy drugs I am taking, and hopefully will be easy to remove.
I have a meeting with a liver specialist next week to talk about what exactly the new MRI scan shows, and what my choices are regarding removing them. It is expected we will book some surgery for this; surgery which needs to be at least 1 month after I stop chemo, and preferably not much more than a month. So it is my hope we will stop the chemo mid-Dec (which is after one more full cycle) and schedule the surgery mid-Jan, giving me xmas off. Which would work well for enjoying that time with my family, as well as the cheeky snowboarding weekend I've booked in the new year !
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Full of chemicals
Still battling through first week of cycle three. It's not been pleasant - my arm still hurts, although somewhat less than Tuesday, but the drugs are pushing me on edge as always. With the addition of the Oxytetracyclene (to reduce the acne side-effect of Cetuximab - which it is finally starting to do) I am on about 16 pills a day, most of which get my system pretty wired. And with a little nausea I feel just like throwing them all up :(
Mimi took this week off and has been taking care of me - perhaps this is why the blog is less "look at me coping" and more "look at me being pissed off with things" this week. I've had less need to soldier on and keep my life going, and have been allowed to just flake out all week, knowing I'll still be fed, bought drinks and generally looked after. I miss coping, it felt good, but equally I guess I need an off-week, some time to just throw up my hands and say this is hard work and I'll be glad when it's all over and until then, things are hard.
Thanks for the offers of support this week - I've generally just kept myself to myself and spent most of my time with Mimi. Maybe next cycle I can call you all back ! It's hard to invite people over when you know you are just going to be rubbish, and probably not up to much chat. But the whole "waiting for tomorrow" thing is not a good attitude when tomorrow is still quite a few months away.
Every day of each cycle gets a little better - my touchstone and mantra now. Today I pottered around Camden a little, saw a movie and enjoyed a tasty burger dinner. Tomorrow I might manage a little early xmas shopping in Angel. Life still potters on around the crappyness, and looking forward to at quite a few decent days before the next cycle has to begin.
Mimi took this week off and has been taking care of me - perhaps this is why the blog is less "look at me coping" and more "look at me being pissed off with things" this week. I've had less need to soldier on and keep my life going, and have been allowed to just flake out all week, knowing I'll still be fed, bought drinks and generally looked after. I miss coping, it felt good, but equally I guess I need an off-week, some time to just throw up my hands and say this is hard work and I'll be glad when it's all over and until then, things are hard.
Thanks for the offers of support this week - I've generally just kept myself to myself and spent most of my time with Mimi. Maybe next cycle I can call you all back ! It's hard to invite people over when you know you are just going to be rubbish, and probably not up to much chat. But the whole "waiting for tomorrow" thing is not a good attitude when tomorrow is still quite a few months away.
Every day of each cycle gets a little better - my touchstone and mantra now. Today I pottered around Camden a little, saw a movie and enjoyed a tasty burger dinner. Tomorrow I might manage a little early xmas shopping in Angel. Life still potters on around the crappyness, and looking forward to at quite a few decent days before the next cycle has to begin.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Cycle three start here
Fine - so it's cycle three.
Went to the clinic yesterday, go the Oxaliplatin in my arm - the second dose that has gone into the left arm. And f**k me it hurts - not just the usual deep pain in the vein, but most of the arm has gone numb and tingles, like a permanent pins and needles in the muscles. Really not a happy camper at all - had lots of trouble sleeping and pain-killers don't really do much.
Might need to discuss other ways of getting this horrid drug going forward - one option involves a line in your arm with runs a tube up to the heart - which means no localised pain in the arm, but does mean I get a cannula sticking out my arm for the treatment duration which might be even more depressing. Or a surgical operation can put in a central line in my chest - which sounds like the least painful option, except for the whole "going for surgery" part.
For now, everything just feels like hard work and I just want to lie down and wait for it to go away. But that's going to take days, so guess I need to fight through that, get some food, take all my daily drugs and keep up with life. Overall - Meh.
Went to the clinic yesterday, go the Oxaliplatin in my arm - the second dose that has gone into the left arm. And f**k me it hurts - not just the usual deep pain in the vein, but most of the arm has gone numb and tingles, like a permanent pins and needles in the muscles. Really not a happy camper at all - had lots of trouble sleeping and pain-killers don't really do much.
Might need to discuss other ways of getting this horrid drug going forward - one option involves a line in your arm with runs a tube up to the heart - which means no localised pain in the arm, but does mean I get a cannula sticking out my arm for the treatment duration which might be even more depressing. Or a surgical operation can put in a central line in my chest - which sounds like the least painful option, except for the whole "going for surgery" part.
For now, everything just feels like hard work and I just want to lie down and wait for it to go away. But that's going to take days, so guess I need to fight through that, get some food, take all my daily drugs and keep up with life. Overall - Meh.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
The only way is up
Today is a good day.
I picked up a winter cold at the weekend, and after a good couple of days rest, it's finally starting to shift, I feel. It also seems my face, covered in tiny yellow spots for the last couple of weeks, has now started to react to the Ocytetracycline a litte now, and most of the spots have retreated, just leaving some red dots (which blend slightly with the freckles :). Futhermore, I am near the end of my cycle, so free of most pains and tiredness caused by the drugs, and the extra dose of Cetuximab I had on Monday does not seem to have added to any of the less pleasent side-effects. Also my facial skin, which had gone very dry, is beginning to feel a little better after all the moisturising I;ve been doing - partly thanks to my sweetie for actually getting me some mosituriser and reminding me to do it when I forget !
So now just trying to make sure I get out and about and do some more outdoors things before the next injection on Monday, which I am dreading a little naturally. Not sure that any form of exercise is going to be a good thing - burning up energy stores seems crazy when you've got less energy than you're used to. Long walks and slow burning exercise could be the best idea - I feel a long walk around London Zoo might be in order - exercise AND monkeys, ideal for anyone's recovery.
Not much more to report, other than a larger stack of boardgames and a couple of Wii games, which I have been enticing people round mine to play in leiu of heading outside too much. Don't be shy people ! Also another scan is coming up later this month, hopefully then I'll know a little more about "what happens next".
I picked up a winter cold at the weekend, and after a good couple of days rest, it's finally starting to shift, I feel. It also seems my face, covered in tiny yellow spots for the last couple of weeks, has now started to react to the Ocytetracycline a litte now, and most of the spots have retreated, just leaving some red dots (which blend slightly with the freckles :). Futhermore, I am near the end of my cycle, so free of most pains and tiredness caused by the drugs, and the extra dose of Cetuximab I had on Monday does not seem to have added to any of the less pleasent side-effects. Also my facial skin, which had gone very dry, is beginning to feel a little better after all the moisturising I;ve been doing - partly thanks to my sweetie for actually getting me some mosituriser and reminding me to do it when I forget !
So now just trying to make sure I get out and about and do some more outdoors things before the next injection on Monday, which I am dreading a little naturally. Not sure that any form of exercise is going to be a good thing - burning up energy stores seems crazy when you've got less energy than you're used to. Long walks and slow burning exercise could be the best idea - I feel a long walk around London Zoo might be in order - exercise AND monkeys, ideal for anyone's recovery.
Not much more to report, other than a larger stack of boardgames and a couple of Wii games, which I have been enticing people round mine to play in leiu of heading outside too much. Don't be shy people ! Also another scan is coming up later this month, hopefully then I'll know a little more about "what happens next".
Friday, October 24, 2008
Second cycle - all in all, I've just been hit by every brick in the wall
Well, 6 days into the new cycle, and I'm only really just finding the time and energy to blog about it. It's been a bit of a "ton of bricks" week - have been feeling really tired and low on energy - as well as combating the nausea and cold sensitive arm pain that comes with the first half of each cycle.
Fortunately, I did see this coming somewhat, and had arranged with work to NOT come in for the main chemo week. This left me free to rest in the house, having plenty to time to sort out my various pills and lotions to combat the side effects, and mainly to rest. Physical execution is one of the things that heightens the nausea, and being able to climb under the duvet when the proverbial ton of bricks smashes you around the head is a godsend.
This week has been harder than last cycle - perhaps I am feeling more dread and less curiosity going into it, knowing what to expect this time. Also the Monday itself was particularly hard work. I met my parents in town first of all, which was very nice, and they came to the clinic with me. I was due to start on a new drug called Cetuximab which is an antibody drug that helps block potential new cancer cells, as well as potentially helping the main chemotherapy drugs working. But this needed to be administered slowly for this first time, and they needed to check my blood first to be sure I would not react to it. All in all, this took about 2 hours to prepare for and another 2 hours to administer - after which I then had to go through my 2 hours of dreaded Oxalyplatin as well :(
I went in at 1pm, and didn't leave until just before 8pm, spending the last 2 hours in a fairly empty clinic feeling pretty sorry for myself; the Oxalyplatin felt cold, and I wrapped my jumper around my arm, but still it felt icy and painful. Outside, I realised I hadn't bought warm enough clothing, and held my arm to try and keep it as warm as possible whislt travelling home. Whilst the pain subsides after about 7 days, and is only really present when my arm gets a little cold or I use it in a certain way, I can still feel it's effects all the way through 3 weeks. Hence this Monday's injection went in the other arm - suspect we'll be swapping everytime.
As for which arm gets the Cetuximab in future, I don't know - this drug comes on a TWO weekly cycle, so I'll be heading back to the clinic a week from now for Cetux, two weeks for Oxy, three weeks for Cetux then in five weeks from now - both again. All in all, the 6 remaining trips to the clinic have become more like 12 more, which is depressing. That said, the Cetux infusions are probably not going to be as bad - they should only last around 1 hour in future, and the side effects are nowhere near as bad as Oxalyplatin so far. It has caused my face to redden, with a few spots starting to appear - I am on a monster load of Oxytetracyclene to try and stop me impersonating a 16-year old acne faced kid (again). It has also caused my eyelashes to grow, which was long overdue comic relief to this whole process !
Last cycle was probably a bit too "ah, it's fine", and might of given the impression that I'm going to soldier through this without anyone really noticing. The truth is, I am going to soldier through this, but it's going to get hard at times, and it's going to be a while until it's over. And I'm going to be a bit of a pain, demand extra attention, time and help where people can offer it, and probably keep talking about my horrid drugs, waving pill boxes in the air in anger and occasionally showing off my cool (and still very present) belly scar. And I thank everyone who listens, helps and has time for that, as it all helps me just do what I need to do, which is just keep going through this one day at a time. The hardest week of cycle #2 is over - in fact apart from the injection days, every day does get a bit easier than the last !
Next big date is 20th November, when I get some more scans done, and we see what the effect of all these drugs has been. Then we can start talking about how long the chemo will go on for and potential surgery options in the new year. Until then, I'll just keep taking the pills !
Fortunately, I did see this coming somewhat, and had arranged with work to NOT come in for the main chemo week. This left me free to rest in the house, having plenty to time to sort out my various pills and lotions to combat the side effects, and mainly to rest. Physical execution is one of the things that heightens the nausea, and being able to climb under the duvet when the proverbial ton of bricks smashes you around the head is a godsend.
This week has been harder than last cycle - perhaps I am feeling more dread and less curiosity going into it, knowing what to expect this time. Also the Monday itself was particularly hard work. I met my parents in town first of all, which was very nice, and they came to the clinic with me. I was due to start on a new drug called Cetuximab which is an antibody drug that helps block potential new cancer cells, as well as potentially helping the main chemotherapy drugs working. But this needed to be administered slowly for this first time, and they needed to check my blood first to be sure I would not react to it. All in all, this took about 2 hours to prepare for and another 2 hours to administer - after which I then had to go through my 2 hours of dreaded Oxalyplatin as well :(
I went in at 1pm, and didn't leave until just before 8pm, spending the last 2 hours in a fairly empty clinic feeling pretty sorry for myself; the Oxalyplatin felt cold, and I wrapped my jumper around my arm, but still it felt icy and painful. Outside, I realised I hadn't bought warm enough clothing, and held my arm to try and keep it as warm as possible whislt travelling home. Whilst the pain subsides after about 7 days, and is only really present when my arm gets a little cold or I use it in a certain way, I can still feel it's effects all the way through 3 weeks. Hence this Monday's injection went in the other arm - suspect we'll be swapping everytime.
As for which arm gets the Cetuximab in future, I don't know - this drug comes on a TWO weekly cycle, so I'll be heading back to the clinic a week from now for Cetux, two weeks for Oxy, three weeks for Cetux then in five weeks from now - both again. All in all, the 6 remaining trips to the clinic have become more like 12 more, which is depressing. That said, the Cetux infusions are probably not going to be as bad - they should only last around 1 hour in future, and the side effects are nowhere near as bad as Oxalyplatin so far. It has caused my face to redden, with a few spots starting to appear - I am on a monster load of Oxytetracyclene to try and stop me impersonating a 16-year old acne faced kid (again). It has also caused my eyelashes to grow, which was long overdue comic relief to this whole process !
Last cycle was probably a bit too "ah, it's fine", and might of given the impression that I'm going to soldier through this without anyone really noticing. The truth is, I am going to soldier through this, but it's going to get hard at times, and it's going to be a while until it's over. And I'm going to be a bit of a pain, demand extra attention, time and help where people can offer it, and probably keep talking about my horrid drugs, waving pill boxes in the air in anger and occasionally showing off my cool (and still very present) belly scar. And I thank everyone who listens, helps and has time for that, as it all helps me just do what I need to do, which is just keep going through this one day at a time. The hardest week of cycle #2 is over - in fact apart from the injection days, every day does get a bit easier than the last !
Next big date is 20th November, when I get some more scans done, and we see what the effect of all these drugs has been. Then we can start talking about how long the chemo will go on for and potential surgery options in the new year. Until then, I'll just keep taking the pills !
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
How does it make you feel?
Ok.Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more "aaaaaahhhhh!"
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.
[Pink Floyd - comfortably numb]
So I am coming to the end of my first 3 week cycle of chemotherapy (only 7 more to go !) Overall, I am relieved that the side effects did not overwhelm me, nor did I experience most of the more unpleasant or debilitating effects, such as vomiting, sore gums or numb hands / feet.
A lot of these are kept at bay somewhat by extra routines - I moisturise hands and feet daily now to combat drying out of the skin (as well as my scar, to try and reduce it) and use mouthwash at least twice a day (although they recommend four times). Not sure of the science here, but I think the chemo hits "newer" cells quite hard, so the front of the mouth has lots of saliva cells etc... that are quickly targetted and can become quite open to infection and ulcers.
The worst side effects peaked around 3-4 days into the treatment, and then subsided going into the second week. These were from the Oxyaliplatin, and consisted of this aversion to cold - which makes walking about outside in the cold quite unpleasant and draining unless rugged up really well. It also bought a horrible nausea, like having low-grade car or sea sickness in the background all day. The anti-nausea drugs probably kept this down a bit, and eating food made me feel somewhat better, although this tended to make me gobble down meals and then feel sick from that too. The advice of 5-6 smaller meals a day could be the one to follow here - I am trying to compile a list of snacky like food so the fridge and cupboard are well stocked for next week's new cycle - e-mails of recipie's for good snack meals are encouraged :)
I have also been working throughout the period, and possibly ended up working more hours than my body wanted to do (although the mind is still hungry for some challenges - think it's a bit bored of TV and computer games now !) The pills I take through much of each cycle cause fatigue, which is doubled in the earlier stages by the injection too. This often translates to a slower start to the day, sleeping in a lot more, and then even when I do go into work, I am hitting my wall around 3-4pm. So for next cycle I have proposed to take one day off a week - Wednesday would make sense - so that I don't overtire myself doing work and prevent myself having energy in the evenings to sort other things in life out - which with the ongoing tests and self-research into healthier living to help my recovery (more on this another post, I feel) are numerous indeed. I am also taking the week of the injection off as this quite physically tiring; after 3 days of work (~5-6 hours each day) I essentially slept through the whole weekend, which hinted I'd got the balance quite wrong. But it was also quite emotionally challenging, the constant nausea and very tender veins from the temporary damage this powerful drug does to them made me feel quite vulnerable and bought home what I had gone through and had yet to go through.
But like I say, overall this cycle has gone well, I've not missed a dose of drugs yet (hurrah to the Medi-memo !) and for next cycles I have some ideas set out:
* to keep fixed rest days from work to give myself some more energy outside of the office
* remove stress where necassary and relax more
* spend more time seeing friends - it's quite easy to become a hermit with lower physical energy levels, but time with friends is very emotionally lifting and just as important
All of which is nothing more than a subtle tack into a better bearing - I have been doing the above, but a little more of each should make the next cycle that bit more bearable still.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Pills 'n' Chills and Bellyaches
Every third Monday is now my treatment day, when I get to go receive another dose of Oxaliplatin, and pick up more pills for the coming weeks. Whilst comfortable in my fancy Kubrick-esque pseudo-2001 space odyssey environment (see previous post for photo), the actual injection leaves the vein quite tender, so with a somewhat tenuous nod to the the blog title, these days may not be "Happy Mondays". Although the tea and sandwiches are really quite nice, if I am to be totally honest, and the doctors are a smashingly nice bunch :)
My Pill regime following these appointments is set over 8 cycles, each of which is 3 weeks long. I get two anti-nausea drugs to take, as well as the core chemotherapy drug Capecitabine. In a fit of mathematics, I realised I need to take 4 of these chemotherapy pills every morning and night for the first 2 weeks of each of the 8 cycles - this is 896 pills in total ! To the left are the combined empty blister packs from just the first week's pill intake. A little over-dramatic, I'll grant you, but I quite liked the view of the aftermath from ejecting all these pills so wanted to share it with the general blog-o-sphere.
I've certainly never been a huge fan of chemicals in the body, and so taking all this medication has been quite a mental challenge for me. This purity of substance intake goes back to avoiding painkillers except when required by the worst headaches. And now it extends to working out which plastic bottles are killing me, as well as which of my favorite meat products cause Cancer too. There is a multitude of highly unhealthy food and drink products out there which are seen as perfectly normal, but seem to be a major contributor toward cancer, according to the experts.
But for now, I am obviously signed up for 6 months of Chemo's marvellous medicine, and with a new regime to adapt to, I suspect I will be reliant on a number of factors to help me along, not least of which are memory helping tools such as my new "Medi-memo", a box containing seven daily sections, each of which having dividers to spread pills across four different times of the day. Perfect for my current regime, I've even added a multi-vitamin onto each morning to bolster my iron levels (quite important I am told to avoid getting anaemic during the treatment), although I hope my diet is supplying much of my RDA for these things where possible. Certainly the large spinach curry for lunch today should have provided some good level of nutrition - it really is great that work have a "healthy eating" program in place at work, it makes getting nutritious lunches that much easier, giving me plenty of time to worry about all the other little things in life :)
My Pill regime following these appointments is set over 8 cycles, each of which is 3 weeks long. I get two anti-nausea drugs to take, as well as the core chemotherapy drug Capecitabine. In a fit of mathematics, I realised I need to take 4 of these chemotherapy pills every morning and night for the first 2 weeks of each of the 8 cycles - this is 896 pills in total ! To the left are the combined empty blister packs from just the first week's pill intake. A little over-dramatic, I'll grant you, but I quite liked the view of the aftermath from ejecting all these pills so wanted to share it with the general blog-o-sphere.I've certainly never been a huge fan of chemicals in the body, and so taking all this medication has been quite a mental challenge for me. This purity of substance intake goes back to avoiding painkillers except when required by the worst headaches. And now it extends to working out which plastic bottles are killing me, as well as which of my favorite meat products cause Cancer too. There is a multitude of highly unhealthy food and drink products out there which are seen as perfectly normal, but seem to be a major contributor toward cancer, according to the experts.
But for now, I am obviously signed up for 6 months of Chemo's marvellous medicine, and with a new regime to adapt to, I suspect I will be reliant on a number of factors to help me along, not least of which are memory helping tools such as my new "Medi-memo", a box containing seven daily sections, each of which having dividers to spread pills across four different times of the day. Perfect for my current regime, I've even added a multi-vitamin onto each morning to bolster my iron levels (quite important I am told to avoid getting anaemic during the treatment), although I hope my diet is supplying much of my RDA for these things where possible. Certainly the large spinach curry for lunch today should have provided some good level of nutrition - it really is great that work have a "healthy eating" program in place at work, it makes getting nutritious lunches that much easier, giving me plenty of time to worry about all the other little things in life :)Monday, September 29, 2008
Rested and starting the road to recovery
Ten days in Portugal amongst my family, including my two little nieces, was spent profitably reading some books, relaxing and eating seafood. After this, I feel much better and ready to begin my chemotherapy course. Some preliminary meetings and a PET scan later revealed little new information, other than to the best of medical knowledge right now, we must assume the liver spots are secondaries, even though they are not textbook examples. Some more information came back on the tumor as well, and it appears to be genetic in origin, more blood scans will confirm a little more going forward.
This began today, with a four hour long trip to the treatment suite at the London Oncology Clinic (LOC). This space age center has a dozen booths all decked out in white, and electrical adjusting big comfy chairs. During the hours, they injected a large dose of something called Oxyplatin, whilst explaining all the side effects I might feel (nausea, vomiting, tiredness, aching feet and hands plus a sensitivity to the cold). I also got a large stack of drugs to take over the next three weeks, including tablets of the 5FU-based main chemotheraphy drug, called capecitabin, who's side effects include nausea, vomiting, tiredness, aching hands and feet and hold on, it sounds just like the other one. They also bought me all the tea, coffee, water and sandwiches I wanted - awesome.
Actually, there are a few differences, and I was given a large number of other supporting durgs to help control any expected and not-as-expected side effects. The staff were very friendly, and I really felt I understood what was due to happen over the next few weeks. They discussed 8 "cycles" of three weeks each - which I realised meant the seventh cycle would begin on my birthday ! - but then again I think there is a solid probability of further liver surgery interupting things halfway through, once we have had more scans and seen what effect the chemotheraphy have had on the cancer secondaries on the liver.
Still coming at this from a positive viewpoint - I have no adverse reaction to the oxyplatin today other than a slight prickling from cold wind coming through my jumper and an odd reaction to eating cucumber from the fridge - packed full of slightly cold water, it was a little bit like my tounge being burnt - ouch. But I take it as more positive news that my body coped with the initial dose well. Other than that, I need to do some ongoing blood tests to monitor white blood cell counts, keep away from prolonged access to infectious people, and just listen to my body - rest when it's tired and report any side effects felt to the LOC team, who can tweak doses of the drugs to manage and reduce them as much as possible. I might even manage to fit a bit of work back into all of that - back into the office on Wednesday and seeing how things go.
Thanks to all who have offered best wishes and kind words during my reappearances in social society ! I really don't mind talking about it, even at "fun" situations, because for me talking about it and acknowledging everything that's happening is a superb way of avoiding falling into a "denial" situation, where I just try and put my head down and ignore everything, which as a long term strategy could be an emotional disaster. Equally don't feel obliged to hide any sad feelings from me - I don't have the monopoly on being upset about this - and sharing sadness is also another way this situation becomes more real and manageable. Naturally I am trying to keep positive, but some sadness and venting of emotions is an essential part of that.
Right, off to put all my new pills in my fancy new pill holder (yey ! Toys !) - look forward to seeing people soon, but you may just need to allow a couple more rainchecks here and there. I'll be sure to let you know though - don't withold any invites on MY account ;)
This began today, with a four hour long trip to the treatment suite at the London Oncology Clinic (LOC). This space age center has a dozen booths all decked out in white, and electrical adjusting big comfy chairs. During the hours, they injected a large dose of something called Oxyplatin, whilst explaining all the side effects I might feel (nausea, vomiting, tiredness, aching feet and hands plus a sensitivity to the cold). I also got a large stack of drugs to take over the next three weeks, including tablets of the 5FU-based main chemotheraphy drug, called capecitabin, who's side effects include nausea, vomiting, tiredness, aching hands and feet and hold on, it sounds just like the other one. They also bought me all the tea, coffee, water and sandwiches I wanted - awesome.Actually, there are a few differences, and I was given a large number of other supporting durgs to help control any expected and not-as-expected side effects. The staff were very friendly, and I really felt I understood what was due to happen over the next few weeks. They discussed 8 "cycles" of three weeks each - which I realised meant the seventh cycle would begin on my birthday ! - but then again I think there is a solid probability of further liver surgery interupting things halfway through, once we have had more scans and seen what effect the chemotheraphy have had on the cancer secondaries on the liver.
Still coming at this from a positive viewpoint - I have no adverse reaction to the oxyplatin today other than a slight prickling from cold wind coming through my jumper and an odd reaction to eating cucumber from the fridge - packed full of slightly cold water, it was a little bit like my tounge being burnt - ouch. But I take it as more positive news that my body coped with the initial dose well. Other than that, I need to do some ongoing blood tests to monitor white blood cell counts, keep away from prolonged access to infectious people, and just listen to my body - rest when it's tired and report any side effects felt to the LOC team, who can tweak doses of the drugs to manage and reduce them as much as possible. I might even manage to fit a bit of work back into all of that - back into the office on Wednesday and seeing how things go.
Thanks to all who have offered best wishes and kind words during my reappearances in social society ! I really don't mind talking about it, even at "fun" situations, because for me talking about it and acknowledging everything that's happening is a superb way of avoiding falling into a "denial" situation, where I just try and put my head down and ignore everything, which as a long term strategy could be an emotional disaster. Equally don't feel obliged to hide any sad feelings from me - I don't have the monopoly on being upset about this - and sharing sadness is also another way this situation becomes more real and manageable. Naturally I am trying to keep positive, but some sadness and venting of emotions is an essential part of that.
Right, off to put all my new pills in my fancy new pill holder (yey ! Toys !) - look forward to seeing people soon, but you may just need to allow a couple more rainchecks here and there. I'll be sure to let you know though - don't withold any invites on MY account ;)
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Scans and the liver
I saw my Oncologist (cancer specialist) today for an update on treatment going forward. So far no-one has been able to determine exactly what was on my liver, but the evidence points strongly towards cancer secondaries, and I expect my liver specialist / surgeon to confirm that in the next week. I am also down to have a PET scan to add to the MRI and CT scan and to confirm the spots on my liver are behaving like cancerous cells. The tumor had perforated the wall of the bowel, so I guess some cells may have spread that way. The 31 lymph nodes they removed with the section of the bowel all tested negative for spread however, which is good news - it means the tumor is graded as Stage II (or Dukes B).
In any case, I am due to start chemotherapy toward the end of the month, which will involve tablets and some intravenous drips. The exact composition of what they intend to give me will depend on some further tests of my genes (something called the K-ras gene, to be exact) and will be made much clearer in a few weeks. This should discourage any regrowth in the bowel, and hopefully help with whatever is going on with the liver too. Side-effects should NOT include hair loss, but might be some tiredness and sore hands / feet. Oh, and probably some of my old companion, diarrhoea, as well. All quite acceptable for the benefits it will bring me, I think.
Then, after 3 months, it will be time for more liver scans to check if there has been any change. At this stage, on the assumption that nothing has improved, I think there is a reasonable chance I may need to go for liver surgery to have the small sections removed. Liver surgery has come on leaps and bounds in the last 10 years, and the overall prognosis for this operation is not dissimilar to the bowel operation I had. Plus the liver is super-regenerative, so should heal easily. After a recovery period, I'd expect another 3 months chemotherapy.
So some quite tough roads ahead, but one step at a time and it should all be manageable. My key philosophies are that I am not my illness, and life is not getting put on hold for a year (or more) because of this - although it may come down a notch or two for a little while ! The specialist indicated some people do not return to work for the duration of this treatment, but I think that would stand against this main objective of getting back into life properly. There will still be frequent clinic appointments and tests going on in the background too, so whilst other plans should still go ahead, much of my time will very much be in the hands of doctors for the next year.
As always, armed with this information I am keeping a positive head on it all. It is all a bit scary, but I have had some good news with the lymph nodes being clean and the surgery so far has healed very well - only 2 weeks after the operation and I am up and about to a very favorable degree. I walked for almost 30 minutes today, cooked a big meal this evening, and my muscles don't hurt too much as a result. Still have a few back pains when the various muscles there are overworked (compensating for the weak tummy muscles) but hopefully that will improve in the coming weeks. Looking forward to heading out for some sun and relaxation at my folks place in Portugal in the next week. There both Mimi and I can relax a bit more, and get my head away from London for a while, and into a few good books.
In any case, I am due to start chemotherapy toward the end of the month, which will involve tablets and some intravenous drips. The exact composition of what they intend to give me will depend on some further tests of my genes (something called the K-ras gene, to be exact) and will be made much clearer in a few weeks. This should discourage any regrowth in the bowel, and hopefully help with whatever is going on with the liver too. Side-effects should NOT include hair loss, but might be some tiredness and sore hands / feet. Oh, and probably some of my old companion, diarrhoea, as well. All quite acceptable for the benefits it will bring me, I think.
Then, after 3 months, it will be time for more liver scans to check if there has been any change. At this stage, on the assumption that nothing has improved, I think there is a reasonable chance I may need to go for liver surgery to have the small sections removed. Liver surgery has come on leaps and bounds in the last 10 years, and the overall prognosis for this operation is not dissimilar to the bowel operation I had. Plus the liver is super-regenerative, so should heal easily. After a recovery period, I'd expect another 3 months chemotherapy.
So some quite tough roads ahead, but one step at a time and it should all be manageable. My key philosophies are that I am not my illness, and life is not getting put on hold for a year (or more) because of this - although it may come down a notch or two for a little while ! The specialist indicated some people do not return to work for the duration of this treatment, but I think that would stand against this main objective of getting back into life properly. There will still be frequent clinic appointments and tests going on in the background too, so whilst other plans should still go ahead, much of my time will very much be in the hands of doctors for the next year.
As always, armed with this information I am keeping a positive head on it all. It is all a bit scary, but I have had some good news with the lymph nodes being clean and the surgery so far has healed very well - only 2 weeks after the operation and I am up and about to a very favorable degree. I walked for almost 30 minutes today, cooked a big meal this evening, and my muscles don't hurt too much as a result. Still have a few back pains when the various muscles there are overworked (compensating for the weak tummy muscles) but hopefully that will improve in the coming weeks. Looking forward to heading out for some sun and relaxation at my folks place in Portugal in the next week. There both Mimi and I can relax a bit more, and get my head away from London for a while, and into a few good books.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Reducing my iron levels
Today is staple removing day - finally the metal clips that have held my belly in check are leaving. Probably about time too, as it seems that my body is trying to get rid of them anyway - my dreams of being a cyborg have been cruelly shattered as it seems the bosy is smart enough to spot lumps of metal and tries to grow them out.
(one staple-removing appointment later...)
Ok, that was almost painless; just a little nip as the ends came out. And bless Mimi's thorough nature for spotting that one was still in my belly button when the nurse said she was finished ! My wound is pretty much closed and healed now, and once the red dots which marked the staples have gone, it'll just be a big, long belly scar for me. Mimi is looking at ungents, potions and spells to try and reduce the scar, but I think retaining some evidence of stomach surgery will be useful for breaking the ice at cocktail parties.
Walking and busing down to the surgery was fine. Pretty much most everyday movements are now, just restricted on how far (and fast) I can walk and no heavy lifting. But able to help out around the house a little more, as long as there isn't too much bending over which hurts the tummy after a while. Hopefully enough to relieve my poor stressed out nurse Mimi ! Hopefully good enough to make our flights out to Portugal manageable next week - sometime in a hot country with my parents and a pile of books will do us both the world of good right now.
I am told a liver specialist will be taking another look at the results and presenting his findings in a meeting today. Not sure when I get to hear about it, but suspect I find out on Thursday when I see my Oncologist (cancer specialist) who should hopefully let me know what's in store for the next few months. Bit scared, but then again answers are usually much more reassuring than open questions, so looking forward to getting some more of those.
(one staple-removing appointment later...)
Ok, that was almost painless; just a little nip as the ends came out. And bless Mimi's thorough nature for spotting that one was still in my belly button when the nurse said she was finished ! My wound is pretty much closed and healed now, and once the red dots which marked the staples have gone, it'll just be a big, long belly scar for me. Mimi is looking at ungents, potions and spells to try and reduce the scar, but I think retaining some evidence of stomach surgery will be useful for breaking the ice at cocktail parties.
Walking and busing down to the surgery was fine. Pretty much most everyday movements are now, just restricted on how far (and fast) I can walk and no heavy lifting. But able to help out around the house a little more, as long as there isn't too much bending over which hurts the tummy after a while. Hopefully enough to relieve my poor stressed out nurse Mimi ! Hopefully good enough to make our flights out to Portugal manageable next week - sometime in a hot country with my parents and a pile of books will do us both the world of good right now.
I am told a liver specialist will be taking another look at the results and presenting his findings in a meeting today. Not sure when I get to hear about it, but suspect I find out on Thursday when I see my Oncologist (cancer specialist) who should hopefully let me know what's in store for the next few months. Bit scared, but then again answers are usually much more reassuring than open questions, so looking forward to getting some more of those.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Weighting for a silver lining
Have now been home for almost a week and so far recovery from the operation has gone well. I am eating most foods again, having cautiously avoided hard to process foods for a few days, and even treated myself to a small glass of wine last night - gosh. Digestion is almost back to normal too.
Mimi is still looking after me quite a bit - too much moving around gets my back muscles quite tired as they overcompensate for my weak belly muscles. But I am trying to do more of the light household chores and take a short walk each day for exercise. Walking is also fairly easy on the stomach muscles these days, but there is still a problem that none of my trousers fit, and my belt pushes unpleasantly against my scar.
Pre and post op, I was not eating for a few days to facilitate medical exams and the operation, and this has all caused me to drop just over 1 and 1/2 stone - I am now 15 stone 1, 25% lighter than I was a year ago, and only 6 pounds from my target weight (14 stone 9, or BMI < 25). Not a recommended way to drop weight by any means, but I am glad to see it go in anyway. Expect to put a few pounds back on as I continue to relax and eat my way to recovery, but it is still scary to be this new size. I look lanky, not big, and feel almost skeletal in places !
Unable to make it to shops, I will just have to find temporary solutions for upcoming weddings and other events that require trousers (so many do, these days). Then toward the end of my few weeks recovery, I may need to do a quick wardrobe update so I can return to my workplace with at least fitting clothes.
Mimi is still looking after me quite a bit - too much moving around gets my back muscles quite tired as they overcompensate for my weak belly muscles. But I am trying to do more of the light household chores and take a short walk each day for exercise. Walking is also fairly easy on the stomach muscles these days, but there is still a problem that none of my trousers fit, and my belt pushes unpleasantly against my scar.
Pre and post op, I was not eating for a few days to facilitate medical exams and the operation, and this has all caused me to drop just over 1 and 1/2 stone - I am now 15 stone 1, 25% lighter than I was a year ago, and only 6 pounds from my target weight (14 stone 9, or BMI < 25). Not a recommended way to drop weight by any means, but I am glad to see it go in anyway. Expect to put a few pounds back on as I continue to relax and eat my way to recovery, but it is still scary to be this new size. I look lanky, not big, and feel almost skeletal in places !
Unable to make it to shops, I will just have to find temporary solutions for upcoming weddings and other events that require trousers (so many do, these days). Then toward the end of my few weeks recovery, I may need to do a quick wardrobe update so I can return to my workplace with at least fitting clothes.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
My poor belly
This is mostly copied from mails sent out in recent days, to update blog readers on my recent health news.
Two weeks ago was examination time, and after 2 days fasting and drinking a special drink, I was truly empty and ready to see what be lurking within me, causing this discomfort. In a fit of bravery / stupidity, I refused the sedation offered for this examination (involving a tube, a camera, and a small level of embarrassment) so that I could see the camera. Seeing your internals on screen goes down as one of the more surreal experiences of my life, and aside from some mild discomfort at points, was not too bad. This "incredible journey" recalled some films of the 80's crossed with those medical documentaries on TV I try and avoid during mealtimes.
Finally we came face to face with what seemed to be the trouble. It looked large and angry, and I was a little concerned, but my doctor seemed quite calm. Unable to go any further (they should of equipped the camera with a laser gun), they took some sample (biopsies, to use the medical name) to work out what my lump was. One thing was for sure, this was not a simple inflammation as expected.
Friday came around, and I was told more about my lump, and that surgery was going to be required. This was sounding a bit more serious than I'd expected; I had still had hopes of taking a few pills until it goes away ! Fortunately I was already in some excellent hands and was being referred to some extremely well respected hands for this next step. Next step was scans to check the whole area for other potential bumps - don't want to miss anything ! And then on to see my surgeon to discuss options. It seemed that a bowel resection was required, which put simply is chopping out the section of bowel with the lump, and to connect up the two tubes. The area was surrounding my appendix, so it was removed as well (2 for 1 bargain).
But the reason I needed this treatment was quite a shock to someone my age, it seemed the lump was a tumor and I had bowel cancer.
With barely a day to take in the full extent of this news, they had me checked into a private wing of Saint Mary's hospital in London for the operation, which took place on Wednesday (20th August) at 7:30am. As you might have guessed, the operation was a success and the tumor has been removed. A short stay in hospital got me to the position where I could finally walk around slowly and eat again, and I have now been discharged and am back at home. Mimi has been working from home to help me out with cooking and other heavy chores that otherwise are quite tiring or hard for me to do. With most of my stomach muscles still weak from the surgical incision down my belly, moderate to heavy lifting is out, coughing, sneezing and sitting forward are hard and I have been advised to allow around 4 weeks to recover from the operation. That said, so far every day I have been feeling better and better, so hopefully the road to recovery will be relatively smooth.
After the 4 weeks it looks like I will begin some low-strength chemotherapy (nothing hair-losing, I have been told) to ensure nothing comes back. In addition, there are a few spots on my liver that are a little suspect and will need monitoring during the treatment to ensure they don't grow; and hopefully go away during the chemo. More information on the exact nature of the treatment will feed back to me as the removed section of my bowel is analysed, and the appropriate
authorities spoken.
So still some things going on, but with some very competent professionals who so far have been highly reactive, supportive and positive about coming through this illness. I am looking to maintain a positive outlook going forward, without wanting to just "put a brave face on" and thank everyone for the support and kind words so far.
In the meantime, it's back to the important things in life; resting, taking holidays and playing games.
Two weeks ago was examination time, and after 2 days fasting and drinking a special drink, I was truly empty and ready to see what be lurking within me, causing this discomfort. In a fit of bravery / stupidity, I refused the sedation offered for this examination (involving a tube, a camera, and a small level of embarrassment) so that I could see the camera. Seeing your internals on screen goes down as one of the more surreal experiences of my life, and aside from some mild discomfort at points, was not too bad. This "incredible journey" recalled some films of the 80's crossed with those medical documentaries on TV I try and avoid during mealtimes.
Finally we came face to face with what seemed to be the trouble. It looked large and angry, and I was a little concerned, but my doctor seemed quite calm. Unable to go any further (they should of equipped the camera with a laser gun), they took some sample (biopsies, to use the medical name) to work out what my lump was. One thing was for sure, this was not a simple inflammation as expected.
Friday came around, and I was told more about my lump, and that surgery was going to be required. This was sounding a bit more serious than I'd expected; I had still had hopes of taking a few pills until it goes away ! Fortunately I was already in some excellent hands and was being referred to some extremely well respected hands for this next step. Next step was scans to check the whole area for other potential bumps - don't want to miss anything ! And then on to see my surgeon to discuss options. It seemed that a bowel resection was required, which put simply is chopping out the section of bowel with the lump, and to connect up the two tubes. The area was surrounding my appendix, so it was removed as well (2 for 1 bargain).
But the reason I needed this treatment was quite a shock to someone my age, it seemed the lump was a tumor and I had bowel cancer.
With barely a day to take in the full extent of this news, they had me checked into a private wing of Saint Mary's hospital in London for the operation, which took place on Wednesday (20th August) at 7:30am. As you might have guessed, the operation was a success and the tumor has been removed. A short stay in hospital got me to the position where I could finally walk around slowly and eat again, and I have now been discharged and am back at home. Mimi has been working from home to help me out with cooking and other heavy chores that otherwise are quite tiring or hard for me to do. With most of my stomach muscles still weak from the surgical incision down my belly, moderate to heavy lifting is out, coughing, sneezing and sitting forward are hard and I have been advised to allow around 4 weeks to recover from the operation. That said, so far every day I have been feeling better and better, so hopefully the road to recovery will be relatively smooth.
After the 4 weeks it looks like I will begin some low-strength chemotherapy (nothing hair-losing, I have been told) to ensure nothing comes back. In addition, there are a few spots on my liver that are a little suspect and will need monitoring during the treatment to ensure they don't grow; and hopefully go away during the chemo. More information on the exact nature of the treatment will feed back to me as the removed section of my bowel is analysed, and the appropriate
authorities spoken.
So still some things going on, but with some very competent professionals who so far have been highly reactive, supportive and positive about coming through this illness. I am looking to maintain a positive outlook going forward, without wanting to just "put a brave face on" and thank everyone for the support and kind words so far.
In the meantime, it's back to the important things in life; resting, taking holidays and playing games.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Spoon and Belly
Long time readers might recall a post over a year ago proclaiming Spoon one of the most awesomest bands ever. Well, nothings changed. The last album was released around a year ago, and is still one of my favorite listens. All the tracks are also still available to listen to free of charge on there "jukebox" website as well. Plus they are Adam Buxton's favorite band too !
My belly (another great band) has felt like there is lead (the metal, not the dog thing) in it today. Ouch - cramptastic. Keep thinking it might still be that penny I swallowed a year ago ! Will find out what the next step is after my appointment (now set for a week Wednesday).
Have "frozen" my gym membership today (about 1 month later than I should). I am now paying about 25% of the cost for the privilege of not attending the gym now ! Silly really, but it preserves the good membership rate I have when I rejoin, which is quite a few quid below the cost should I "rejoin" later. I figure back into winter, with hopefully a restored tummy, I'll be heading down for vital happy-chemical inducing lunchtime runs. And maybe some training for this 10 mile run in October, which is looking less and less likely going forward.
My belly (another great band) has felt like there is lead (the metal, not the dog thing) in it today. Ouch - cramptastic. Keep thinking it might still be that penny I swallowed a year ago ! Will find out what the next step is after my appointment (now set for a week Wednesday).
Have "frozen" my gym membership today (about 1 month later than I should). I am now paying about 25% of the cost for the privilege of not attending the gym now ! Silly really, but it preserves the good membership rate I have when I rejoin, which is quite a few quid below the cost should I "rejoin" later. I figure back into winter, with hopefully a restored tummy, I'll be heading down for vital happy-chemical inducing lunchtime runs. And maybe some training for this 10 mile run in October, which is looking less and less likely going forward.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The last gas
It's been one of those big "blog pauses", which often follow in step with one of those big "life pauses". Not to say I've not been up to much - in fact it's the amount of things going on with weekends away in the country, meeting family and a driving holiday around the UK that has kept me away from following my goals.
... oh god - he's going to make a goal list again... Not so :)
The main thing I've been blogging about was weight loss, and I guess with this on hold I am feeling a real "pause" on my life. Well - not weight loss as such - but more like running training. Because whilst I have hardly ran since the 10K race, I have still lost a few pounds through a different and less fun avenue - nasty stomach infection :(
For two months now, my digestion has caused me some pain and bloating, and then I got a lot of acid pains in my stomach and heart. The heart thing spurred me into the doctors, and after several visits I am now taking some high-powered acid reducing pills, lowering my intake (to zero) of spicy / acidic / alcohol and fizzy things, and currently seeing a gastroenterologist (sp?!) who reckons there is an infection in my intestines.
Hopefully I can get on top of this soon - with stag dos and wedding's coming up, it's going to be quite strange not being able to enjoy a glass or two of booze, plus one of the stag dos involves climbing mountains, which might not be a great idea given it hurts when I jog for a bus right now. Need to go book an appointment so the doc can take a closer look <shudder>
... oh god - he's going to make a goal list again... Not so :)
The main thing I've been blogging about was weight loss, and I guess with this on hold I am feeling a real "pause" on my life. Well - not weight loss as such - but more like running training. Because whilst I have hardly ran since the 10K race, I have still lost a few pounds through a different and less fun avenue - nasty stomach infection :(
For two months now, my digestion has caused me some pain and bloating, and then I got a lot of acid pains in my stomach and heart. The heart thing spurred me into the doctors, and after several visits I am now taking some high-powered acid reducing pills, lowering my intake (to zero) of spicy / acidic / alcohol and fizzy things, and currently seeing a gastroenterologist (sp?!) who reckons there is an infection in my intestines.
Hopefully I can get on top of this soon - with stag dos and wedding's coming up, it's going to be quite strange not being able to enjoy a glass or two of booze, plus one of the stag dos involves climbing mountains, which might not be a great idea given it hurts when I jog for a bus right now. Need to go book an appointment so the doc can take a closer look <shudder>
Monday, June 02, 2008
Running beyond targets
Last weekend, whilst stretching my back out to try and ready myself for the 10K run and looking at the weather forecast of heavy rain, I had a lot of mixed feelings about the run itself. But rather than just focus on the negative, I had a rather fun BBQ and Eurovision night on Saturday - I tell ya, those Latvian singing pirates shoulda won - and a great family get together where aunts, cousins and family alike we locked in constant battle to hold my now more expressive little nieces (apologies, new pictures going up soon !)
So the day of the run came, and I headed out garbed in my running vest and extra waterproof layers (including the essential "discard it by the starting line" bin bag vest !). It was cold and wet and took a couple of kms to get my system feeling warmer again, after which it welcomed the rain to keep cool. I kept as modest a pace as I could, cheered on by Mimi and my running mate's partner around the 1km. Of my running mate, I saw noting - a clerical error with running numbers put him near the back with the charity runners (people in animal costumes mainly) which meant even at his better pace I finished a few minutes ahead of him. Water stations did a poor trade during the run, and I kept myself fuelled without needing to join the long queues for the toilets (pre-race fluid consumption is a finely balanced thing !)
Around the 7km I felt tired, but had been keeping pace just under 6 minute a km - so making excellent progress for a sub-hour time. Worried that I might have slowed pace, I glanced at the stopwatch and realised I was due for the 8km mark soon, but a couple more minutes on I still had not seen it. Reaching 48mins (8km x 6 mins) I was getting quite annoyed indeed, all of which had probably pulled my pace up as I soon hit the 9km mark at 50 mins ! A little burnt out after my worried acceleration, I took a modest jog uphill toward Trafalgar square, eager to make sure I jogged the whole thing without walking (when I did this 7 years ago, I felt the need to walk around the 8km mark to prepare for the final 2 km). I also wanted to be sure to be putting on a good jog for the final run down the Mall, where people would be cheering runners on. As I rounded the corner, I heard my name called out from the girls who had managed to get a good photo spot near the final 400m mark, rounding the corner from Trafalgar square into the Mall, encouraging me to push hard for the finish. A slight burst of energy faltered near 200m, where I saw I had just crept over 55 minutes (my initial "ideal" time), but I pushed hard to ensure I kept it within a minute of that, and came over the line in 55 minutes and 47 seconds.
I was very pleased about just finishing the race at the time, and in good spirits down the pub later, after a quick change at home into warmer, dryer clothes ! But I think it's this week, now the legs have recovered and my back feels better post-painful physio involving elbows and vertebrae, that I am looking back and feeling the accomplishment more.
Another great achievement came after a few more post-race donations bought me over my charity target as well. Thanks to everyone who helped me reach what was an ambitious target. Knowing that the run was adding so much support for charity helped mentally both leading up to the day and on the day itself, as both a stick of not wanting to let people down and a carrot of knowing so many people were supportive of my little run. Hopefully I can keep the running and training going over summer in time for our 10-mile run in October (the Cabbage patch 10), but more on that later.
And finally, this all came together this month as I stood onto the scales. 16 stone 13 (and a quarter) - finally breaking through the 17 stone mark. Again, good encouragement to try and keep up with healthy eating, often quite hard in a city that seems to rob you of spare time and has so many easy eat out / take away options ! All the more reason to avoid restrictive diets and stick to the great "moderation is everything" philosophy - pizza and sofa evenings should always be allowed - now and then :)
So the day of the run came, and I headed out garbed in my running vest and extra waterproof layers (including the essential "discard it by the starting line" bin bag vest !). It was cold and wet and took a couple of kms to get my system feeling warmer again, after which it welcomed the rain to keep cool. I kept as modest a pace as I could, cheered on by Mimi and my running mate's partner around the 1km. Of my running mate, I saw noting - a clerical error with running numbers put him near the back with the charity runners (people in animal costumes mainly) which meant even at his better pace I finished a few minutes ahead of him. Water stations did a poor trade during the run, and I kept myself fuelled without needing to join the long queues for the toilets (pre-race fluid consumption is a finely balanced thing !)
Around the 7km I felt tired, but had been keeping pace just under 6 minute a km - so making excellent progress for a sub-hour time. Worried that I might have slowed pace, I glanced at the stopwatch and realised I was due for the 8km mark soon, but a couple more minutes on I still had not seen it. Reaching 48mins (8km x 6 mins) I was getting quite annoyed indeed, all of which had probably pulled my pace up as I soon hit the 9km mark at 50 mins ! A little burnt out after my worried acceleration, I took a modest jog uphill toward Trafalgar square, eager to make sure I jogged the whole thing without walking (when I did this 7 years ago, I felt the need to walk around the 8km mark to prepare for the final 2 km). I also wanted to be sure to be putting on a good jog for the final run down the Mall, where people would be cheering runners on. As I rounded the corner, I heard my name called out from the girls who had managed to get a good photo spot near the final 400m mark, rounding the corner from Trafalgar square into the Mall, encouraging me to push hard for the finish. A slight burst of energy faltered near 200m, where I saw I had just crept over 55 minutes (my initial "ideal" time), but I pushed hard to ensure I kept it within a minute of that, and came over the line in 55 minutes and 47 seconds.I was very pleased about just finishing the race at the time, and in good spirits down the pub later, after a quick change at home into warmer, dryer clothes ! But I think it's this week, now the legs have recovered and my back feels better post-painful physio involving elbows and vertebrae, that I am looking back and feeling the accomplishment more.
Another great achievement came after a few more post-race donations bought me over my charity target as well. Thanks to everyone who helped me reach what was an ambitious target. Knowing that the run was adding so much support for charity helped mentally both leading up to the day and on the day itself, as both a stick of not wanting to let people down and a carrot of knowing so many people were supportive of my little run. Hopefully I can keep the running and training going over summer in time for our 10-mile run in October (the Cabbage patch 10), but more on that later.
And finally, this all came together this month as I stood onto the scales. 16 stone 13 (and a quarter) - finally breaking through the 17 stone mark. Again, good encouragement to try and keep up with healthy eating, often quite hard in a city that seems to rob you of spare time and has so many easy eat out / take away options ! All the more reason to avoid restrictive diets and stick to the great "moderation is everything" philosophy - pizza and sofa evenings should always be allowed - now and then :)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Up and running
After a little scare last weekend with some pretty sharp belly pain, which pretty much has kept me off training for the last two weeks, I am pleased to say that I am feeling a little better and should still be on for the BUPA 10K run, which is this coming bank holiday Monday.
Thanks again for everyone who sponsored me for this - it really added a lot of weight and encouragement to getting back into shape to ensure I can get around the course. Still hoping to break the 1 hour mark with my run, but essentially just looking to keep jogging for 10km this Monday, hopefully avoiding cramp which has been a problem for many previous runs.
Will be equipping m'ladyfriend with camera to grab a "before and after shot" to post up here, dressed in my wonderful running vest of course. Might even catch an "in action" shot too, pending being able to work out a good point for Mimi to shoot from !
As for the pain ? Possibly a bit of bad gas :) Not so life-threatening...
Thanks again for everyone who sponsored me for this - it really added a lot of weight and encouragement to getting back into shape to ensure I can get around the course. Still hoping to break the 1 hour mark with my run, but essentially just looking to keep jogging for 10km this Monday, hopefully avoiding cramp which has been a problem for many previous runs.
Will be equipping m'ladyfriend with camera to grab a "before and after shot" to post up here, dressed in my wonderful running vest of course. Might even catch an "in action" shot too, pending being able to work out a good point for Mimi to shoot from !
As for the pain ? Possibly a bit of bad gas :) Not so life-threatening...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
A dedicated follower of fashion
Thanks lots of those who have sponsored me so far - I am currently just over halfway toward my target and looking for other ways I can try and make the full amount.So I sent my details off to Diabetes UK, who kindly sent me back a pack of information and fund raising ideas for me to read through (most of them mentioning "the London Marathon" - I think they had a few packs to get rid of !). But the crowning glory of this pack was... the Diabetes UK Pink 'n' Black running vest !!!
I think both the fetching cut and colour of this top deserves a little support, so therefore to add incentive to wavering sponsors of my athletic efforts, should I reach my target I pledge to wear this fine outfit along the run, as well as provide all pictures of myself in this fine getup on the blog after the run (assuming I can get a photographer on the day !)
In training, I managed to run / walk / slow jog the race route last weekend, overall in a reasonable time, but I was plagued by cramp from what might of been a too fast starting pace. Such is the peril of training with my slightly faster friend ! Hopefully I can work on setting an even pace over the next month so I can get around the route in under my target time of 1 hour (hoping for 55 mins, at a push).So hopefully I will find more capers than this simple crime against fashion to help get to the final fund-raising figure, but if you haven't already, then please offer your support at http://www.justgiving.com/runfatbenrun and keep tuned to the blog for more news and progress.
Monday, April 14, 2008
10000 metres for charity
Most blog readers will probably have already seen via other channels that I have decided to run the BUPA London 10,000 road race on behalf of Diabetes UK. I settled upon this charity as it's currently a condition my father lives with, and it was his encouragement that got me started on my current route to better fitness. The run takes place on Bank Holiday Monday, May 26th. If you would like to offer a donation to help me reach my target, then I have set up this charity page for online donations, and can also accept offline donations too (although I cannot claim the 28% Gift Aid on such donations currently). In fitness news, I reached 17 stone 8 (~112kg) this week, which finally brings my BMI under 30 - this equates to me being medically classified as "overweight" rather than "obese". This is a landmark I have been looking forward to for a while, and hopefully along with the 10K run can bolster my determination to keep going toward my ultimate goal of BMI 25. |
Monday, April 07, 2008
Horses didn't pay out, but I'm still the Cashback king
Another grand national and once again the turkey I picked in the work sweepstakes fell at an early fence, all it's legs fell off and then it burst into flames... or something slightly less horrific - but equally as useless as a "race winning maneuver" in any case.
This year I also put a "real" bet on - this time using Betfair. I signed up, put 10 pounds down (and then another 2 pounds down on a credit card to prove I was over 18) and bet across two horses, both of which did slightly better by staying on their feet, but forgot to run fast and earn me lots of cash. But I am still 38 quid up on this bet, or at least I will be...
Welcome to the world of cashback websites, the king and most friendly / reliable of which is QuidCo.By simply signing up to QuidCo, and then using the special buttons they provide to go to your favourite internet commerce site, you can get the referral fee that such sites pay to any third party who directs you to them. For instance, when you are on a football fan's site, and he has put amazon links to various football merchandise, if you click that link and buy the merchandise, amazon give a small percentage of that money back to the football fan's website owner. QuidCo do the same, but they then pass the money back to YOU (although they do keep the first five pounds each year to cover costs / make a profit).
So it often happens that some companies offer a particularly good cashback rate for a short promotional time, which QuidCo normally note on their QuidBlog; such as in this case Betfair, who were offering 50 pounds cashback for all new signups who spent 10 pounds on betting. So currently I am 12 quid down on the nags, but come June, I should be around about 38 quid up ! QuidCo really is a safe bet and recommended to all UK money savers out there.
This year I also put a "real" bet on - this time using Betfair. I signed up, put 10 pounds down (and then another 2 pounds down on a credit card to prove I was over 18) and bet across two horses, both of which did slightly better by staying on their feet, but forgot to run fast and earn me lots of cash. But I am still 38 quid up on this bet, or at least I will be...
Welcome to the world of cashback websites, the king and most friendly / reliable of which is QuidCo.By simply signing up to QuidCo, and then using the special buttons they provide to go to your favourite internet commerce site, you can get the referral fee that such sites pay to any third party who directs you to them. For instance, when you are on a football fan's site, and he has put amazon links to various football merchandise, if you click that link and buy the merchandise, amazon give a small percentage of that money back to the football fan's website owner. QuidCo do the same, but they then pass the money back to YOU (although they do keep the first five pounds each year to cover costs / make a profit).
So it often happens that some companies offer a particularly good cashback rate for a short promotional time, which QuidCo normally note on their QuidBlog; such as in this case Betfair, who were offering 50 pounds cashback for all new signups who spent 10 pounds on betting. So currently I am 12 quid down on the nags, but come June, I should be around about 38 quid up ! QuidCo really is a safe bet and recommended to all UK money savers out there.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Cheese me
Seven days in the alps a couple of weeks ago were fantastic for my new board and awful for any concept of weight loss I may of been entertaining ! Cheese and beer a plenty kept me fueled for days of piste carving and nights of liver pickling, along with lots of other food things in the category of "not vegetable". Actually the dinners weren't too bad, our catered chalet had some good balanced meals, it was more the lunches of potato, pasta and bread - often all three - that were somewhat nutritionally void.
But the slope conditions for the holiday were unlike more recent holidays - we had powder ! Piles of it ! This came with some nasty winds and hail on a couple of days, but there was some phat, deep snow to play in that made up for it. Being a Euro resort, much of that powder vanished quickly as it got tracked out, but actually I was enjoying the on-piste almost as much, so didn't mind.
Anyhow, lots of photos are online now (hence the delay to this post) and it's been a very good boarding season overall. My boots and bindings are looking a bit shabby though... might be time for some new ones ;)
But the slope conditions for the holiday were unlike more recent holidays - we had powder ! Piles of it ! This came with some nasty winds and hail on a couple of days, but there was some phat, deep snow to play in that made up for it. Being a Euro resort, much of that powder vanished quickly as it got tracked out, but actually I was enjoying the on-piste almost as much, so didn't mind.
Anyhow, lots of photos are online now (hence the delay to this post) and it's been a very good boarding season overall. My boots and bindings are looking a bit shabby though... might be time for some new ones ;)
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Gary Gygax R.I.P
I blame today's sick day from work for me missing this news from yesterday until, well, just now.
Gary Gygax, father of dungeons and dragons and all things dice / geek related has passed away.
Pretty much most of the gaming and geekery I'm into is somehow tied to this man, so it felt wrong not to mark his passing away with a brief post, and a quote from the man himself:
"I would like the world to remember me as the guy who really enjoyed playing games and sharing his knowledge and his fun pastimes with everybody else."
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Le Fat Bob est mort, vive le Titan !
Alas on my last holiday, my beloved Fat Bob passed away. Fat bob was, of course, the snowboard I picked up in 2002. Manufactured by K2, he had to endure my full bulk for six years, going from novice to advanced-intermediate, carving terrible turns to popping terrible jumps, and generally taking a nasty beating off several rocks and snow park features.
All of this finally cracked the metal edge around the edge of the board, which combined with a couple of gouges into the base caused water and air to get into the board-core. Being stored between seasons probably allowed this gap to expand, and so on the first day of boarding, Fat Bob broke down. Many drink were consumed in his honour, and I look forward to mounting him on the wall "trophy-style" in the future.
So as we say a collective goodbye to Fat Bob, we can now welcome the K2 Titan ! Having just waited long enough for the end of season sales, I can safely say I picked up this board for not a lot more than the original full price Fat Bob cost me. However, this is a higher level intermediate board, 2 cm shorter than Bob (166cm long), a little lighter but plenty more "pop and gnarlyness" integrated into it's honeycomb multi-core blah blah blah... actually I have no idea how good it is yet, but with snowboards, price is often the indicator, and this board is around the right price range for someone of my abilities. The slightly shorter length may cause me to curse it's lesser stability, but equally it may cause me to praise it's smaller form as I attempt to pull-off 180 jumps and ride switch.
Next week sees our group trip to Tignes, where I get to try the Titan out on hopefully some good conditions - well looks like it's sunny for the next few days, but on our first day of boarding, it's set to dump fresh sweet powder...
All of this finally cracked the metal edge around the edge of the board, which combined with a couple of gouges into the base caused water and air to get into the board-core. Being stored between seasons probably allowed this gap to expand, and so on the first day of boarding, Fat Bob broke down. Many drink were consumed in his honour, and I look forward to mounting him on the wall "trophy-style" in the future.
So as we say a collective goodbye to Fat Bob, we can now welcome the K2 Titan ! Having just waited long enough for the end of season sales, I can safely say I picked up this board for not a lot more than the original full price Fat Bob cost me. However, this is a higher level intermediate board, 2 cm shorter than Bob (166cm long), a little lighter but plenty more "pop and gnarlyness" integrated into it's honeycomb multi-core blah blah blah... actually I have no idea how good it is yet, but with snowboards, price is often the indicator, and this board is around the right price range for someone of my abilities. The slightly shorter length may cause me to curse it's lesser stability, but equally it may cause me to praise it's smaller form as I attempt to pull-off 180 jumps and ride switch.Next week sees our group trip to Tignes, where I get to try the Titan out on hopefully some good conditions - well looks like it's sunny for the next few days, but on our first day of boarding, it's set to dump fresh sweet powder...
Monday, February 25, 2008
My brand new nieces
At the weekend, Mimi and I headed into hospital to see my brothers new born baby girls. Two of 'em ! And they look identical ! Mind you, to me all babies do look identical, but I'm assured this will continue for quite some time to come.
As with most identical twins, they babies were born prematurely, before they got too big and caused problems. But this means they are currently living in the critical care ward of Wexham park hospital. They are still quite poorly, but no more than is to be expected with premature babies, and when I went to visit they both took turns in kicking around a bit and wondering who the strange spotty hands and ginger haired face belonged too. In the picture below is Olivia, the eldest (by a couple of minutes !), sporting a nice woolly hat and some tube giving her food and so forth. Isabel was just next to her in another incubator and doing very well - she had a sunlamp on her and a tiny eye mask ! Sheer luxury, I have to pay for diamond membership of my gym for that privilege...
I really felt quite proud of my brother and his partner through the whole event. They have been so good at looking after the babies before the birth and now seem quite in control during what must have been (and still, to some degree, be) a stressful event. I'm sure they are going to be great parents, and Mimi and I look forward to spoiling the babies at any available opportunity !I hope to see Olivia and Isabel (my little nieces !!!) again soon, maybe next time I'll get more pictures of them and less of me. Then again, if they want more photos of them, they can write their own blogs... this one's about me ;)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Reaffirmations
As a man who frequently dreams of reinvention, but rarely comes close to doing much about it, I think it might be time to abuse my blog to help reaffirm my goals. Things have slipped a little admittedly part due to my glut of holidays this winter season, one snowboard trip to Les Arcs during which my beloved snowboard, Fat Bob, gave up on being trodden on and busted, making me realise how hard it actually is to find a decent sized wide snowboard for hire (or even purchase) in a French alpine resort. And more recently, a trip to Romania with Mimi to hunt vampires, overtake horse and carts in our rental car and eat lots of meat and pickled things. Oh yeah, and I'm off boarding again in a couple of weeks - poor me :)
So having burnt out all my holiday in winter 2008, I need to reaffirm what to do with the rest of my time. Back in June 2007 I wrote this post which listed five major projects. Firstly was to lose weight, which to a degree I have done. But anyone who clicks through or watches the Traineo image on the right will have noted a static number. I assure you I am still updating this, but cannot seem so shift weight at my currently lifestyle. So it's time to refine that project with two more affirmations:
But... hold on... what about FUN !?!?!! One more affirmation for me then:
So having burnt out all my holiday in winter 2008, I need to reaffirm what to do with the rest of my time. Back in June 2007 I wrote this post which listed five major projects. Firstly was to lose weight, which to a degree I have done. But anyone who clicks through or watches the Traineo image on the right will have noted a static number. I assure you I am still updating this, but cannot seem so shift weight at my currently lifestyle. So it's time to refine that project with two more affirmations:
#1: I will go to the gym twice a week during a normal working week. No exceptions. This is on top of any third activity I do (currently Yoga)
#2: Cut down drinking and unhealthy food by drinking more pints of water when out (half of the "addiction" is having a pint in hand, you see) and trying harder to plan more meals / making more homemade lunches (which is something Mimi and I are both focusing on)I also stated back in June that I would write more. Well, blogging is always a good background practice for that. I've just completed a creative writing course that didn't teach much technique but did get me writing. So hopefully I can keep some velocity up with that - I started writing up my travels in Romania, so hopefully I can blog some of that later on. So let's try an affirmation of:
#3: I will write more, either about Romania, or another short topic, and blog it. Before the end of April, ideally.Also, a new affirmation from a comedy course I finally took last December
#4: Perform one stand up comedy gig this yearWhat else from June ? Coding... well that isn't happening out of hours, but that's not a bad thing with everything else I'd rather focus on. Instead I will make an affirmation to apply it within work - but that will come up as part of my work objectives (currently under review) so I'll leave that off this list. Another thing was finances... well, I am making steady progress in tracking finances, but may of signed up for one too many accounts and cards on the way, and forgotten a few too many passwords for the online accounts. So one extra affirmation to get myself ready for a new financial year and ISA allowance is:
#5: Ensure I have a full picture of all accounts, ISAs and general savings by the end of the financial year.oh yeah, and...
#6: Sort out final bills from my old house share within the next two weeks (sorry Jon :)And finally there was talk of learning. My basic German came in some use in Romania when the English let me down, and Mimi and I's French helped support what gaps the German had. So it would be nice to bolster these language skills where required, but in truth without a specific holiday destination requiring them, language learning can be fast forgotten. So I can replace learning with just a resolution to keep in control of things, get on the front foot and take control of things.
But... hold on... what about FUN !?!?!! One more affirmation for me then:
#7: I will find time to play computer games and / or read books at least one hour a week.oh go on, one more:
#8: I will try and organise at least one board gaming session with friends every month.Much better !!! Hopefully all this self assurance hasn't been too dull for the reader. Some far more exciting news coming for the next post...
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Glastonbury cometh
Once again I have registered for the legendary festival of Glastonbury - last year saw 3 tired, frustrated hours refreshing browser pages and speed redialling phone lines before admitting defeat in April, but strangely I feel compelled to pre-register so I can try again come April 6th !
Anyone out there fancy joining me in this endeavour ? Get your pre-registration in by March 14th and together we can refresh browser screens in vain hope !
Anyone out there fancy joining me in this endeavour ? Get your pre-registration in by March 14th and together we can refresh browser screens in vain hope !
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Bands from far away - come to the UK !
The world of the internet has opened up may newer resources for discovering bands. Simply google a few of your favourites and following links can often lead to new band ideas (not via the amazon.co.uk recommendations though, which whilst interesting to one or two degrees generally ends up recommending everyone would like "the killers" and whatever is in the charts that week).
But now I've followed the links, surfed some "MP3 blogs" - blogs like mine that track free download tracks of new bands, such as www.thecatbirdseat.com, read some indie review sites like www.pitchforkrecords.com, seen what others are listening to via their last.Fm profiles and maybe even played with some web2.0 music players such as the computer game like theSixtyOne. And from all this I now have a selection of bands I want to hear more from... but without the required level of fame, they don't want to play in the UK yet... because they are still fairly small bands.
This makes me more aware than usual of the gulf between bands who "have made it" and "are trying to make it". There doesn't appear to be a smooth curve, or gentle steps up those rungs. People have herd mentalities as my girlfriend's father often tells me, and with musical taste it is true. Not that this is a band thing, it helps define our "tribe" when we are young and gives us common interests at work and means we can go to cheap nightclubs and gleefully dance to shameful music, because we all know the songs and can dance to them together. But freeing yourself from the cycle really offers rewards - only then are you really into "music" for music alone, and it's a shocking world of discovering what quality works of music are relatively unheard outside of a few towns, despite the music being wildly more fun, accessible and tuneful than more famous artists of there genre.
But I digress from what was to be a "list post" - bands that should come to the UK, and until then, deserve your support :)
Belguim - Hooverphonic, dEUS
Australia - Howling Bells, Little Birdy
USA - Jonathan Coulton, Over the Rhine
Well, that's all I can think of. But anyone spotting UK gigs by these bands should contract me at the usual address !
But now I've followed the links, surfed some "MP3 blogs" - blogs like mine that track free download tracks of new bands, such as www.thecatbirdseat.com, read some indie review sites like www.pitchforkrecords.com, seen what others are listening to via their last.Fm profiles and maybe even played with some web2.0 music players such as the computer game like theSixtyOne. And from all this I now have a selection of bands I want to hear more from... but without the required level of fame, they don't want to play in the UK yet... because they are still fairly small bands.
This makes me more aware than usual of the gulf between bands who "have made it" and "are trying to make it". There doesn't appear to be a smooth curve, or gentle steps up those rungs. People have herd mentalities as my girlfriend's father often tells me, and with musical taste it is true. Not that this is a band thing, it helps define our "tribe" when we are young and gives us common interests at work and means we can go to cheap nightclubs and gleefully dance to shameful music, because we all know the songs and can dance to them together. But freeing yourself from the cycle really offers rewards - only then are you really into "music" for music alone, and it's a shocking world of discovering what quality works of music are relatively unheard outside of a few towns, despite the music being wildly more fun, accessible and tuneful than more famous artists of there genre.
But I digress from what was to be a "list post" - bands that should come to the UK, and until then, deserve your support :)
Belguim - Hooverphonic, dEUS
Australia - Howling Bells, Little Birdy
USA - Jonathan Coulton, Over the Rhine
Well, that's all I can think of. But anyone spotting UK gigs by these bands should contract me at the usual address !
Monday, January 21, 2008
Second xmas
Xmas comes but one a year... unless you bugger off around the planet for that special day, and come back a few days afterwards. In which case you get... Second Xmas !!! This joyous occasion was special for Mimi and I as we got to show off our little flat to my family as well as exchange presents for a second time of the year. And of course it's all about what we got other people or what they got us, as all the other pressies had been swapped already.Let me catch myself there and assure all readers that the joy is definitely in the GIVING and not the receiving. The picture taken here was we full of joy at all the giving I had done, and certainly not just in the receiving of my new awesome Wii game.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Back from the future (+11 GMT)
I'm back from Australia, but must admit the "wonderment" of being on the other side of the world didn't come through as it did with the round the world travels. Mostly this is probably due to us not actually leaving the city of Melbourne - most of the trip was devoted to seeing friends and Mimi's family, and where it wasn't, it was devoted to sitting about doing blissful, sweet nothing (well, playing games on my new PSP, which pretty much equates to the same thing).
It was great meeting the aunts, uncles and cousins who up until know had been merely a character in a couple of anecdotes. It was also particularly nice to meet up with old workmates and friends from my last time over there. And finally it was great to play a lot of Guitar Hero and drink plenty of Aussie beer. I also got a chance to play through all of Half-life : Portal, which I now declare to be the best game made for the PC since, I dunno, Doom ?
So now back at work and pushing through some new years resolutions type stuff. Trying to push back hard on the weight and fitness again - last year got me almost two stone lighter, but those were the two easy stones I think ! Really hoping to battle my way down to 17 stone the start of this year. Fortunatley, my exercise regime has evolved now, such that I have cycling to work (2-3 times a week), the gym (trying for twice a week, but...), yoga on Tuesdays and practice runs at the weekend when Jon and I are both available. Hopefully by the time the 10K run in May comes around, I'll be in a good place.
Along with the yoga, I signed up for a brief creative writing course. Hopefully out of this I can develop a few writing ideas I've had rattling around for a while, and at least "give it a go". The only failure is not trying ;) Simliarly, a stand-up comedy course I finally took is beckoning me to trying out a stand up gig just the once. Not sure I'm advertising that one just yet though.
It was great meeting the aunts, uncles and cousins who up until know had been merely a character in a couple of anecdotes. It was also particularly nice to meet up with old workmates and friends from my last time over there. And finally it was great to play a lot of Guitar Hero and drink plenty of Aussie beer. I also got a chance to play through all of Half-life : Portal, which I now declare to be the best game made for the PC since, I dunno, Doom ?
So now back at work and pushing through some new years resolutions type stuff. Trying to push back hard on the weight and fitness again - last year got me almost two stone lighter, but those were the two easy stones I think ! Really hoping to battle my way down to 17 stone the start of this year. Fortunatley, my exercise regime has evolved now, such that I have cycling to work (2-3 times a week), the gym (trying for twice a week, but...), yoga on Tuesdays and practice runs at the weekend when Jon and I are both available. Hopefully by the time the 10K run in May comes around, I'll be in a good place.
Along with the yoga, I signed up for a brief creative writing course. Hopefully out of this I can develop a few writing ideas I've had rattling around for a while, and at least "give it a go". The only failure is not trying ;) Simliarly, a stand-up comedy course I finally took is beckoning me to trying out a stand up gig just the once. Not sure I'm advertising that one just yet though.
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